A little bit about the dioramas themselves:
|This is what it looks like up on the wall. I had to stand in the corner to get everything in the shot. It's like standing by the Grand Canyon without a wide-angle lens.|
I: The Phantom Menace
I couldn't get this one completely in the shot since the dresser is directly across from it. Oh, well.
|Top: Kaadu vs STAP
in Naboo battle. (The only place where a wall this green is actually appropriate.)
1. Trade Federation ship: Qui Gon and Obi Wan battle a bunch of droids in an allegory about me and Microsoft.
|2. The Queen's starship
escapes from Naboo with Jar Jar, proving that there's a reason why there
are Customs agents at the border.
3a. Watto's junk shop on Tattooine... where everybody knows your name.
3b. Mos Eisley pre-pod race. Darth Maul needs the binoculars to see Aura Sing's tiny part in the movie.
|4a. Anakin leaving
home and saying goodbye to his mother. Something many Star Wars geeks
4b. Qui Gon vs. Darth Maul, proving that if you're going to sword fight in the desert, you should definitely dress warmly.
5. The Jedi Council meets Anakin and has the same reaction to him as the film's audience.
|6. The Senate convenes
between IM sessions with pages.
7a. Interior Theed palace: The Queen and her guards capture the Nemoidians and make them say tongue twisters with lots of "R"s and "L"s.
7b. Obi Wan, Qui Gon, and Darth Maul shake their little tushies on the catwalk, yeah.
|8. Battle droids
fight the Gungans on the Naboo plains just as the former's warranty runs
9. Victory celebration on Naboo: The Queen gives an award to the Gungans with many Jedi present to avoid any untoward behavior since she's underage.
|Episode II: Attack of the Clones|
|Top: Anakin chases
Zam over Coruscant.
1a. Coruscant: Padme arrives on the landing platform and gets ticketed for double parking.
1b. Outlander Club: Obi Wan and Anakin search for Zam only to discover (s)he's a tranny.
|2a. Coruscant: Palpatine's
office. Yoda steals his pen.
2b. Dexter's restaurant: Obi Wan gets some information. And food poisoning.
3a. The Kamino clone factory, Lucas' thinly-veiled criticism of Catholic schools.
3b. Kamino landing platform: Obi Wan battles Jango over who's going to get the tip.
|4. The Geonosis
war room. Gentlemen, you can't fight in here!
5. Droid factory: 3PO looses his head (no, literally this time) while Padme and Anakin fight Geonosians over which side of soft tissues the skeleton should be on.
|6. Geonosis arena:
Obi Wan and Padme battle Geonosians, monsters, and bears, oh my! (I didn't
have an extra Anakin figure to make the scene especially gruesome).
7. Jedi vs. Geonosians (including Mace vs. Jango Fett). Pay-per-view only $19.95.
|8. Jedi and Clones
vs. droid army. Don't try to follow this if you're dyslexic.
9a. Geonosis: Yoda fights Dooku over the mandatory retirement age for Jedi.
9b. Naboo: The secret wedding, moments before Anakin fainted.
|Episode III: Revenge of the Sith|
|Top: Order 66 speeder
bike chase just as they leave the drive-thru.
1a. Super battle droids get hot over R2 in the hanger.
1b. Anakin vs. Dooku (while Palpatine watches and waits to put a $10 in the winner's waistband).
|2. Jedi fight Grievous
and droids on his Separatist Cruiser in a scene highly derivative of 1978's
Wiz starring Michael Jackson and Diana Ross.
3. The Jedi Council (including a couple holograms) reenact a Quaker meeting.
|4. Wookies and clones.
This sounds like a good name for a desert.
5a. Palpatine's office: Jedi come to arrest Palpatine after discovering some of Gary Glitter's photo collection on his hard drive.
5b. Utapau: Obi Wan vs. General Grevous over whether McCartney or Lennon was the better Beatle.
|6a. Clones kill
Jedi younglings while Anakin speaks to Palpatine's hologram about renaming
the Sith something like 'Boyz in tha Hood.'
6b. Kashyyyk: Yoda is attacked by clones who think he should have scored their dance routine at least as well as Paula Abdul did.
7a. Order 66: Clones kill Aayla for offending Allah with her sexy outfit.
7b. Yoda vs. Palpatine in his office beneath the Senate over tax cuts.
|8a. Anakin fights
Obi Wan on Mustafar for control of the thermostat.
8b. The Emperor discovers Anakin lounging around on Mustafar.
9a. Following the birth of the twins, the Tantive IV crew prepares for their appearance on the latest paternity test episode of Maury Povich.
9b. The Creation of Vader. They've upgraded his RAM to 8MB so he can remember more lines.
9c. On Tatooine, Obi Wan delivers baby Luke to Owen and Beru, who will apparently order just about anything through QVC.
|Continue to Part II|