Christmas for Christians?: An Open Letter (v.4)

I post a version of this every year.  Like one of Santa's elves, I can't keep but tinker with it.  My present to you.

Dear Christians,

For all the whining your flock does about "Keep Christ in Christmas" and all that, I have news for you: The battle's over, and you've all lost.

You can try to demand people stop having "Happy Holidays" just because they aren't Christian, but the Christian elements of Christmas are about as relevant today as my appendix, something else that's entirely vestigial in an evolution you would deny and something I similarly only take note of when it's inflamed and about to kill me.  You know, the way many of you are when the obvious is pointed out to you.

Personally, I haven't thought of Christmas as a Christian holiday for most of my life, and this is in spite of the fact I was raised by church-going parents who dragged me along until I was old enough to finally put my foot down.  Even as a kid, going to church on Christmas Eve was just a depressing interruption to the fun everyone rightly associates with the holiday.  However you want to believe, fine, but church has nothing to do with the occasion.  It didn't at the start, and it doesn't today, no matter what you want to claim to the contrary.

In fact, if you knew your history you'd recall that Christians originally fought most of the traditions you now want to claim as your own precisely because they said these things were Pagan (which they were) and a distraction (which at best they are).  Yet you still cling to these as Christian traditions even when the Bible expressly mocks the "vain" people who would decorate a tree in silver and gold and nail it in place (yes, really; look up Jeremiah 10:2-8 sometime).

And it's not just me.  Christmas wasn't a Christian holiday for the Hindu kids who grew up down the street from me.  Their parents put up a tree every year because they raised their kids in America as Americans.  That doesn't mean they shoved what you imagine is the prerequisite dogma down their throats.  Mistletoe and presents and family get-togethers have nothing to do with talking snakes and returned-from-the-grave characters with gaping wounds.  That's Halloween you're thinking of, and for you to try to shoehorn your Christianity into our Christmas is as desperate as denouncing Halloween as Satanic because kids dress up as ninja turtles.  If you're among the number who believe this, you shouldn't be allowed to breed.

See, whatever nominal claim you imagine you once had over it, Christmas is steadily being transformed into a holiday we --Americans, that is-- all enjoy, one filled with fairy tales exactly like those most of us who can think usually do think of when we think of Christmas.  For most of us, it's about Santa and Rudolf and Jack Skellington.  Think about it.  When these characters are placed side by side on your neighbors' lawns with statues of Jesus and angels and the Three Kings (or shepherds, depending on what conflicting version of the story you go by in your "infallible" book), guess what?  No one can tell which ones (supposedly) aren't fiction without a whole childhood's worth of brainwashing.  It started off Pagan, then it was Christian, and now it's American.  Get over it.

What astounds me in all of this is that you actually want to bundle the most sacred chapters of Christianity with some of the most secular and childish stories our culture has come up with, all under the same gaudy giftwrap.  If I were you, I would think it cheapens my religion to have Frosty and Tiny Tim and the Grinch associated with your mythology.  But of course, any sensible person would realize he's going to reveal himself as an idiot saying, "I believe in angels, but elves are imaginary."  Then again, you still believe in a man with a long white beard who secretly watches you all the time, keeping a list of who's naughty and nice, then rewards your wishes only if you've been good enough.  Aren't you a little too old for that?  I guess not, which goes a ways toward explaining your tantrums.

Really, in the end it doesn't matter to me and my family what you do with your time off so long as you don't tell us how we can celebrate a holiday you never had any jurisdiction over.  So go on.  Have your protests, have an aneurysm, or just have a Merry Christmas with the rest of us.  Because, frankly, I don't care if someone says "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Christmas" to me.  Either way, the celebrating we call Christmas isn't very Christian at all.  And that's a very good thing indeed!

-Merry AleXmas from Alexplorer!

Copyright 2009 Alexplorer.
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