Kiss me like a man

Dani and I were watching one of those forgettable independent movies a couple years ago that I've since forgotten the name of, and we got to this scene where these two guys were kissing.  They were getting all nasty in one another's faces right from the start.  Dani said, "That's the way you want to kiss me all the time."

I thought for a second and said, "No, that's the way men kiss."

It's true.  And for all the bullshit the religious right gives the gay community about how "unnatural" they are, it's the heterosexual world that is really fucked up.  So much of our relationships are characterized by compromises between different and sometimes even competing agendas.  I'm sure anyone who has had a relationship with a member of the opposite sex can give you examples to bolster the dozen or so you have in mind already about how different the genders are, whether we're talking about how many partners you want, how many times a week is enough (or too much), how long you need to cuddle afterward before you jump in the shower, etc.

Heterosexual relationships are paradoxes in which we're attracted to a member of the sex who has no clue what we want out of sex (and that goes both ways).

Women want a partner who will listen to them.  Someone who cares about their problems instead of someone who jumps in with prescriptive advice.  Women would like someone who understands their anatomy as well as they do.  Women want someone who cares about their appearance.  They want someone who focuses more on foreplay than game time (in more ways than one).  Women (most of them anyway) want to kiss and be kissed like a woman.  In short, even straight women want their men to be pussies.

Men want partners who are sexually adventurous.  Hell, any kind of adventurous.  We want her to be rational instead of emotional.  We want direct, simple explanations.  We want a partner who is thin but doesn't take so goddamned much time primping.  We want someone who knows what a vice grip is when we ask for you to hand us one.  We want someone who doesn't menstruate.  Not only that, but we're bored with the vagina already; that's why we're always hoping for a shot at a new orifice for a change.  Guys (most of them anyway) want to kiss and be kissed like a man.  In short, even straight men want their women to be gay men.

It's a trade-off.  Straight guys maybe don't always get the kisses they want, but at least we don't get razor burn.

Copyright 2007 Alexplorer.
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