I (h)ate difficult food!
II hate food that is
difficult. Difficult to eat. Difficult to digest. I
don't want any of it.
Food that is spicy. That
includes all Mexican food, as well as nearly everything Indian, lots of
Asian, plus occasional Italian dishes. Oh, and everything in
Louisiana. Why, food? Why must you hurt my tongue?!
Food that give me gas.
Again we're talking about Mexican food.
Food that cuts my gums.
Some foods always end up injuring me. I end up tasting blood
every time I try to get the best of potato chips, Doritos, or
tacos. But it's easy to avoid tacos for a couple other reasons
Food that won't stay on my fork/spoon.
can't stack a mouthful of some foods on a normal utensil.
It's as unsatisfying as Asian cock to most American girls. I feel
like I should eat cereal with an ice cream scoop.
Food that makes me work harder than
what I get out of it. If I have to spend more time tearing
into it than I get to spend chewing it, then it isn't for me.
Crabs and crawfish aren't worth my time. Most nuts aren't
either. Why can't everything be a banana, only taste better than
Food that crumbles before I can eat it.
tacos! You look like vaginas, but you're really a
bunch of assholes! Pizza too. Everything slides off!
Food that gets stuck in my teeth.
packs a spool of dental floss in case they need an after-lunch
chaser? I can't stand corn on the cob because I'll end up French
kissing the back of my teeth for the rest of the day. Speaking of
Food that makes a mess.
Corn on the cob is only half the problem when I go to a BBQ
place. Then there's the ribs. Again, they're stuck in my
teeth, but I also have to go through a roll of napkins and probably
ruin a shirt as well.
that is cold in the middle.
TV dinners: The potatoes are scalding, but the meat is a block of
ice... literally. Hot Pockets are deceptively named, notoriously
so. The pocket is hot, yes, but what is stored in it is a
pepperoni-flavored piece of a glacier.
Food that that
Hot Pockets are the devil. They manage to go from icy to lava in
a matter of seconds.
Take one out the microwave too soon, and it's inedible. Take it
out too late, and enjoy your visit to the ER.
I hate it when I'm chewing something presented as edible, and I
suddenly come across something with the density of a black hole.
Cereal with hard bits, soup with unexpected bits of vegetable matter
like a seed or stem, or that occasional bit of bone in hamburger
meat... tooth-breakers all!
It's a wonder I don't starve.