I always prefer when my partner initiates things. It isn't that
lazy or afraid to make the first move; it's just so much more fun that
way. In early encounters in a relationship, I tend to hold back
let someone who is inhibited by nature --but clearly excited-- make as
many moves as I can encourage without having to overtly invite her to
so. “Less is more” is a good aphorism here.
went through a “Sex, Lies,
and Videotape” phase during my freshman and sophomore years in
I don't know if that movie had even been released by that time, but I
I arrived at the idea independently. Basically, whenever I met
interesting, I would eventually invite her to my dorm room saying that
I wanted to interview her. Not that I had a video camera or
Most of these girls were relative strangers, just a friend of a friend
or someone I had seen in a class. For some reason, in spite of
it was a surprisingly easy thing to accomplish.
this all got started
I can't even recall now, but somewhere along the way I got the idea
I would interview prospective girlfriends. I composed a list of
which eventually my roommate and other friends contributed to.
concept was that this would be a cross between a job interview and a
profile. That's pretty much how it played out, actually.
would sit or lie on the bed and I sat at my desk and worked through the
list on my computer, always with the screen facing away from her.
first three questions
-Do you floss?
-Do you eat
idea of the
were all relatively
benign, but served to establish character, both hers and mine.
one girl I liked a lot (well, except for her volatile temperament) gave
me ten minutes or more just answering basic questions like the first
above. She was great at being really in-depth. Not everyone
had interesting things to say for each question, but the point was to
out if any of them were interesting as individuals. Sometimes I
surprised, and that was always what I was hoping for.
can't recall anyone giving
me any especially weird answers, either in ways that could be
as creative or in ways that might be more worrisome. However, one
girl who later became a friend of mine actually revealed some weird
about herself in an interview. It was relatively benign, but I
expect her to say she was a third generation full-blooded
so she wasn't going to marry anyone who wasn't of the same
In all honesty, she didn't have that many prospects that she could be
picky. She was rather introverted, so I never would have found
something that central to her personality had it not been for the
Curiously, now that I think about her, she reminds me of the title
in "Secretary" in that she had a latent S&M side, which I only
out about later. Who knew?!
as the list went
along, the questions gradually shifted in color and complexity.
there were fewer yes and no or listing questions. In their place
were ones that required increasingly more involved answers. I
want to hear what her favorite ice cream was. I wanted to see if
I could get real ideas out of her.
course, most of the questions
on the list were either silly or philosophical, but every so often I
put forward an increasingly less innocent one like “Why do you think I
am attracted to you?” Then, a little later, “What kind of
do you prefer, cotton or silk?” before asking, “Do you want to make
matter what her answer
was to this last one, I kept going right down the list as though I was
satisfied with the answer and felt no need to act on it or even to ask
any follow-up questions. The point was always to keep my
a little off-base. They never knew where things were going.
In fact, a lot of the time I would improvise questions and/or shuffle
order if it suited me. Naturally, this was why the computer
was always turned just a little towards me and out of view from her.
on the other hand, if
a girl said no, she didn't want to make out, then I just asked that
again a little later as though it had turned up on the list for a
time. In the cases where I had to repeat it, her answer typically
turned gradually away from the more certain “no” and into a gradually
playful one. It was always fun to watch the resolve of an
break down in such a relatively short time.
atmosphere was completely
different with each girl I interviewed. It all depended on how
responded to the questions and what kinds of answers she gave. In
some cases I really played up the James Spader intensity. With
girls, nothing phased them, so it was all for fun and I would just
through on the implicit request to make-out.
ask me how many girls
I interviewed, I'm trying to remember that now!