December's DVD Reviews, Part I
Quick reviews from my Netflix queue and/or the library.



300, 2006
This movie is beautiful in more than just the homoerotic ways you're imagining (but there's some titties in it too, don't worry).  It's just an amazing piece of work for anyone who appreciates art.  No Greco-Roman fetish required.

Golden Compass, 2007
Not as good as I was hoping, but if you're a chick and/or like Harry Potter or Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, you'll dig it.  There'll sequels, so you might as well get on board now instead of playing catch-up later.

Zodiac, 2007
I grew up watching serial killer hunt tv movies of the week with my federal investigator dad, so maybe there's a soft spot in my heart for detective stories of this variety, but that being said, this is just an awesome flick (though many will find it overly long since they didn't trim a lot of the details).

Rome: Season 1, Disc 3
More of the same.  It's a soap opera, I'll admit, but one where you're guaranteed nudity.

Muppets Take Manhattan, 1984
Cute.  I'd say more about it, but I'm catering here to the reading level of the target viewship.

Creepshow, 1982
I saw this years ago when it first hit video (back when there weren't many videos at all, really), and I liked it.  Honestly, it does a better job of being faithful to the source material (i.e., EC Comics) than other anthology films like The Twlight Zone that were "updated" to the point they were unrecognizable.

The Facts of Life, 1960
Lucille Ball and Bob Hope contemplate having an affair.  Given how usexy and unfunny that premise and combination are, respectively, you have less reasons for watching it than I have regrets for having done so.

The Office: Season 3: Disc 1, 2006
I'll say it again, I loved the BBC version so much that I wanted this one to fail.  But it never does.  It's a different brand of magic here than the original, but it casts a spell over pretty much everyone who watches it, incluing Dani and I.

Storytelling, 2001
A really neat flick by Welcome to the Dollhouse writer/director Todd Solondz.  He manages to make you alternately uncomfortable and then get you laughing.  By the end, you're experiencing seemingly incompatible emotions simultaneously.  He should patent that.

Street Smart, 1987
Christopher Reeve actually made Superman IV so the studio would finance this.  I don't know if it was worth that much of a sacrifice, but this was an interesting enough picture that I'm recommending it.

Space Academy: The Complete Series: Disc 1, 1977
It's just Jason of Star Command with different characters who have even less personality.

Strange Days, 1995
Back when it first came out, this really didn't look all that interesting to me, so I didn't get around to it until recently.  Even if Juliette Lewis wasn't so smokin' hot and naked through most of this that I forgot she was a scientologist for a minute, I would still recommend it.  Not a masterpiece, but it's a pretty solid movie.

30 Rock: Season 1: Disc 1, 2006
Personally, I'd be more into this show if it was Amy Poehler instead of Tina Fey, which is a surprise that I'd go for the blonde from this pair, but it really isn't bad at all.  Good writing.  I'm not sure why I'm not as into is as Dani is.

Some Kind of Wonderful, 1987
Okay, you caught me.  I only watched this because Mary Stuart Masterson plays the tomboy.  Still, it's enjoyable enough and I'm probably preaching to the choir anyway because no one under 40 hasn't seen this and at least three or four movies written by John Hughes.

Following, 1998
This one slipped under my radar, but it's Christopher Nolan's first film, and is a pretty good one.  I'm not telling you what it's about either, so you know that it must be worth watching.

My Blue Heaven, 1990
Yet another one that I missed out on growing up.  It just didn't look very good.  It really isn't, although Steve Martin actuall does quite a lot with a character that's very two-dimensional as he's written.  The movie does alright through the first two acts, then falls flat when the end manages to tie things up entirely too neatly in too short a dismount.

PICKS OF THE LITTER: A lot to chose from here, but if we break it down by demographics, then Following for the independent film fans, Zodiac for the David Fincher fans (Yes, much overlap; rent both then), Strange Days for anyone who hasn't had cable in the last decade, and 300 for the gay men (including the ones trapped in a woman's body; btw call me!)..

December's DVD Reviews, Part II
Quick reviews from my Netflix queue and/or the library.



Goldmember, 2002
Actually, I saw this once before and forgot it entirely.  No kidding.  This has almost never happened to me before.  Probably not at all coincidentally, the second movie in this series was one of the only I was actually ready to walk out of in the theater on.

Bleach, vol. 5
Maybe it's because I jumped in with Volume 5 of this series, but I didn't see any reason to care enough to puzzle out who these characters were or why I should care (sorry, Brindle).  I guess I missed the episode(s) that delivered the essential pathos.

Desperate Housewives: Season 3, Disc 1
Maybe it's because I haven't seen the show in about a year that I'm okay with it again.  Personally, I think you can safely skip Season 2 and really have missed almost nothing, unless you're watching it for reasons that would be unaffected if you turned the sound down (i.e., Eva Longoria in, well, anything form-fitting).

Rome: Season 1, Disc 4
Not as good as that other HBO show about Italians, but there's plenty of sex and violence.

Candyman, 1992
Surprisingly effective and much more developed a story than the source material (a very short story by Clive Barker).

Spiderman 3, 2006
In the comics, Spiderman the character is supposed to be funny.  Instead, the movie tries to be a comedy in too many spots to take it seriously when the filmmakers want me to.  Sadly, I don't think much of what I thought was a joke was intentionally written as such.

Varsity Blues, 1999
Yes, I'm only just getting around to catching onto the source of the oft-parodied whip cream bikini.  Much of the movie is laughable for the over-acting and over-the-top direction, but it seems to work because (or possibily in spite of) this.  Score!

The Mexican, 2001
Katherine (who loaned me this) and I agree: The critics can go fuck themselves.  This is actually a pretty decent movie, and that's saying a lot considering it had to transcend my ambivalence toward the three principals in the cast.

Transformers, 2007
Not worth the hype, but it does actually get to the core kid in you even if robot cars weren't fixtures of your childhood.  I mean, seriously, how can you not like giant robots fighting and destroying the city.  As Darwin and Stephen Hawking would probably put it: Burt Reynolds -> Arnold Schwarzenegger -> Optimus Prime.

Just Cause, 1995
Unless you have a Sean Connery fetish (which I don't get, but okay, whatever), then the only reason to watch this is seeing Ed Harris' performance as a completely apeshit fundamentalist.

PICKS OF THE LITTER: I'm guessing if you were ever going to get around to watching the Transformers flick, you probably did already (or at least have it in your queue), so give Candyman or The Mexican a shot depending which you have the balls for.



Copyright 2007 Ale[x]plorer.
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