April's DVD Reviews,
Part II
Quick reviews from my Netflix queue and/or
the library.
Clerks II, 2006
Normally I think Kevin Smith is
overrated, but somehow he sold this and a bag of chips and a Slushie and
some lottery tickets.
Ghost in the
Shell: Stand Alone Complex, Disc 1, 2002
While nowhere near as intelligently
written or artistically produced as the movies, this is still miles away
from anything Hollywood has ever produced. Just over five thousand
of them (or eight thousand kilometers) to be exact.
Pirates of the
Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, 2006
Keith Richards wasn't even in
it, and it still rocked, and not just because of how much I want to plunder
Keira's booty. I really wasn't expecting, well, anything from this
film (i.e., Keira wasn't going to be naked in anything flying Disney's
flag), but it was way better than the first one.
Employee of
the Month, 2006
Do you like those made-in-the-'80s
comedies USA used to show late at night throughout the '90s. Well,
boy are you in for a treat!
Dogma, 1999
I gave this a second chance on
the heels of Kevin Smith redeeming his soul with Clerks 2, but I
still think it's an incredibly weak film with too many characters with
too little to do in this too-thin plot what with the too-few jokes to go
around. The last criticism is especially pointed because there frankly
isn't an easier target than religion in general and Catholic dogma specifically.
Veronica Mars:
Season 2, Disc 5, 2006
For the record, I'd probably still
watch it if she wasn't this cute, but I wouldn't enjoy it as much.
World Trade
Center, 2006
Somehow Oliver Stone figured that
the way to best remember 9/11 would be to make the hokiest movie ever made.
Seriously, it fails to capture the emotion or the events effectively and
instead turns real-life drama into cornball material that backfires at
what should be a slam dunk. We've lost the war on terror if we can't
turn him away from putting out films this sappy.
X-men 3: The
Last Stand, 2006
My open letter to the producers:
Next time, don't pay for a script. I mean, since you're just going
to toss out the entire fucking history of the comic books these are supposedly
based on, why not just put some cute girls in spandex and shoot lasers
and explosions all around them while they jump around and Hugh Jackman
lights a cigar and says something snarky. Make it a geeky version
of "Girls on Trampolines," and I'd probably get more out of it than this
train wreck of a movie.
March of the
Penguins, 2004
I guess I'm supposed to feel something
for these birds with their pair bonds and their obsessive nurturing of
their chicks, but all I could think about was how stupid they were to move
inland (i.e., closer to the pole) and huddle together all winter instead
of doing the sensible thing and migrating like pretty much every other
bird in the world. No wonder the religious right loved this movie
so much.
Gilmore Girls:
Season 6: Disc 3, 2005
Plot developments? Where
did these come from? It's like they have real writers all of a sudden.
Still, the guys just watch it for the mom in jeans.
Malice,
1993
Yeah, I'm late getting around
to this one. Yes, silly, but it took me back to a time in my movie-going
experience when every picture was a cheaply-made thriller with a convenient
twist and a forgettable climax.
The Machinist,
2004
Very cool. It's slow in
spots, but atmospheric. That's all I'm going to say about this because
You Do Not Talk About Fight Club.
Making Love,
1982
Notable as the first mainstream
movie about gay men, this is basically a Lifetime Original Movie about
gay men. It has all the quality of a made-for-tv movie and its shock
value has been eroded by two and a half decades of tv and the movies finally
coming out of the closet their producers lived in. Today this picture
is a huge, melodramatic laugh-fest, even if you aren't into archeology.
Pink Floyd:
Pulse: Disc 1, 1994
Wow, lots of extras. Even
if you're an obsessive Pink Floyd fan, there really isn't a lot more you
could have asked for out of this disc short of the time machine and cattle
prod you'd need to get Roger Waters to join them onstage.
Just Friends,
2006
Honestly, I didn't think this
was bad at all (even if it wasn't terribly original). Of course,
even a Ryan Renyolds movie with a bad script has Ryan Renyolds in it.
You watch it to hear his delivery, not what he's saying since, with all
sarcasm, it isn't what he's really saying anyway.
PICK OF THE
LITTER: The Machinst for reasons I won't go into because they
happen to be why I enjoyed it, that's why. (Clerks II was
a pleasant surprise as well if you want something lighter.)
Copyright 2007
Ale[x]plorer.