Alexplorer Goes Time Traveling...

If you're just joining this series already in progress, then it means you don't have a time machine, so here's the short version: Every Tuesday (your present), I come back from my adventures time-traveling around MySpace and fill you in on what happened to people from my past as they keep slippin', slippin', slippin' into the future.

Ah, here's one now...


Martin (not his real name) wasn't all there.  No, really.  He was hydrocephalic as a baby.  He showed me a picture of him as a kid, and let's just say that if they ever adapt his life story, they're going to get David Lynch to direct.

Fortunately, that shunt they put in his head worked, and by the time I met him in junior high, he looked like every other kid in his class, only a year or two older... since he was a year or two older than every other kid in his class.  See, the damage done wasn't physical and he was kind of a Forrest Gump without the chocolates.  He was a very nice guy, just not the brightest in the bunch, which was saying quite a lot considering how far down the bell curve you had to slide to be enrolled in a public school in our redneck of the woods.  We never had any classes together because he was placed on a track for "special" kids a rung higher than that Corky character.

Thankfully most humans are decent enough not to prey on kids like Martin and his deficits, but we did occasionally have a bit of fun with him.  One day I was having lunch with another friend and him, and the subject of tonsils came up.  I said I hadn't had mine out.  My friend Aaron had his out.  Martin said, yeah, he had his out.  No, maybe he hadn't.  He wasn't sure, what were tonsils again?  Okay, we said.  I asked him if he still had his ovaries.  He was pretty sure he did, then asked what were we laughing about.

Unlike the fictional Forrest Gump, I don't think Martin will be meeting any Presidents in his job at Walmart, but he admits he doesn't like the job anyway.  His list of who he'd like to meet begins with his Lord Jesus Christ and runs the gamut of every other action film star in the cheap dvd bin at his workplace.

He says his loves his girlfriend Linda and spending time with her daughter who she was apparently pregnant with when they met considering she's only a few months old now.  Come to think of it, I'm not sure how much time they had to play together since Linda's profile says they broke up a couple months ago, sometime since he last logged on, I'm guessing.

Hypothetical letter I'll probably never send to him:

I'm sorry about teasing you about your ovaries.  I'm also sorry I brought this up, because you probably have no idea what I'm talking about now, and that's exactly the same scenario as before, so I guess you're right back to the same.  Damn it.


Copyright 2007 Ale[x]plorer.  All photos are of the actual individuals described above because, seriously, I can't make this shit up.
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