Alexplorer Goes Time Traveling...

If you're just joining this series already in progress, then it means you don't have a time machine, so here's the short version: Every Tuesday (your present), I come back from my adventures time-traveling around MySpace and fill you in on what happened to people from my past as they keep slippin', slippin', slippin' into the future.

Ah, here's one now...


Henry (not his real name) was snotty guy I had honors classes with in high school who thought he was smarter than everyone else.  The lisp made the pretentiousness ridiculous, so I never decked him, but he annoyed me.  (And, yes, before you ask, everyone I went to high school with was gay, it isn't just that everyone on MySpace is gay, although this would make for an interesting Venn diagram.)

I had long hair my senior year, and Henry would complain that I was going to get split ends if I didn't get it trimmed.  Maybe this is out-dated thinking in the post-metrosexual era, but I think if you even knew what split ends were in high school in the early '90s, odds are your date was wearing a tux to the prom (too).

After we graduated, I ended up at the same college as Henry.  By this point he was figuring out he was "bi" (read: still clinging to a delusion that some small part of him was straight when in reality he was the only person in the room who didn't know he was gay since he was maybe five years old).  By the time I transferred to a different college at the end of my sophomore year, the only thing he struggling with more than his sexuality were his classes.  Last I heard, he was in the process of dropping out of school to join the navy.  I am so not making that up.

He doesn't list his orientation on his MySpace profile, but his main picture is of himself with an Asian guy.  You don't need an engineering degree to do that math.
What's that?  Still not convinced.  Okay...

Hypothetical letter I'll probably never send to him:

Fuck you, you fucking snotty fuck.


p.s. Check your tires.  If they're intact, then I got to your brakes.  Good luck getting to the mall today!

Copyright 2006-2007 Ale[x]plorer.  All photos are of the actual individuals described above because, seriously, I can't make this shit up.
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