Ah, here's one now...
My ex-wife worked with Donna when they were sophomores in college. Donna would go on endlessly about how she had recently adopted the Mormon faith which was why she couldn't have coffee or tea or soda or sex before marriage. Obviously she was a hypocrite. Sure, we could forgive her for lusting after my gay roommate Jack, but then the fact that she gave it up for the fat, stupid redneck she was dating... oh, come on.
When my ex transferred to my college the next year, Donna sold her a dorm fridge, then decided she wanted it back and was only "renting" it to her (in spite of the fact that she not only said otherwise, but also charged her what you would pay to buy a used one). She got pissy about that among other things, and my ex quite happily stopped talking to her since she wasn't good for much more material than this couple of paragraphs.
I wouldn't have found her were it not for the fact she and Jack kept in touch and he was on her friend list. Hopefully she has come to terms with the fact that he's gay the same as he has.
In light of the inconsistencies in your profile, your stated beliefs, and (quite frankly) your entire life up to this point, we feel it is in the interest of the country to audit you from birth to present. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.
-The Internal Revenue Service.
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