Alexplorer Goes Time Traveling...

If you're just joining this series already in progress, then it means you don't have a time machine, so here's the short version: Every Tuesday (your present), I come back from my adventures time-traveling around MySpace and fill you in on what happened to people from my past as they keep slippin', slippin', slippin' into the future.

Ah, here's one now...


I think the DSM calls it borderline personality disorder, but to everyone who knew her, Ann (not her real name) was just a fucking bitch.  Actually, we used to refer to her as Psycho Ann even though I don't think we even had any other mutual friends named Ann that we had to distinguish her from.  The "psycho" label served to flag her for anyone in earshot the way poisonous snakes warn with rattles or bright colors of their similar tendency to lash out.  Cathleen was "friends" with Ann through an overlapping circle of mutual friends, though if you asked her about Ann, her best advice came by way of a line from Poe's then-popular song: "Can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being."

Ann lived in my dorm, and one of my first memories of her was hanging out in her room shortly after we had met.  How she managed to keep any friends was a mystery, but one of them, another guy whose name I don't remember, was over that afternoon while I was there.

He obviously knew her well enough to know her issues and, more importantly, how to manipulate her within them for cheap amusement.  He was talking to her about the then-popular band Fishbone, but he called them Fishbowl.  It wasn't initially clear if this was intentional or not.

Ann corrected him angrily.  "It's Fishbone," she said.  The stress on that last syllable dripped with derision.

"Yeah," he said non-chalantly.

A couple minutes later he called them Fishbowl again as though the correction had never been made.

Steam was coming out of Ann's ears.  She blew up at him, but it just seemed to roll off him.  When she wasn't looking, he winked at me to clue me in for what was coming.

"So anyway," he said.  "Can I borrow your Fishbowl cd?"

Last Cathleen heard through the grapevine a few years later, Ann had herself institutionalized.  True story.

The only pic I actually have of her is the one posted here that was taken at a dorm Halloween party as she was walking through the shot.

Whoa!  Burlesque stripper.  She went from suicidal girl to Suicide Girl.  Dayum!  Ironically enough, her profile states she minored in women's studies.

Jackpot on the pictures for the little titty fans (Yeah, all one of me, right?).

Hypothetical letter I'll probably never send to her:

Can I borrow your Fishbowl cd?

-Your Biggest Fan.

Copyright 2007 Ale[x]plorer.  All photos are of the actual individuals described above because, seriously, I can't make this shit up.
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