LET THE FUN BEGIN...
My name:Shannastasia Natasha Conchita Astoria
Who am I in love with:Me. Really it's lust, but under your breath you just ask yourself over and over, "How on Earth am I gonna quit you?" You can't, baby. Get real.
Where did we meet:I was attempting to steal the Golden Monkey's Paw from the Muugooquashikong tribe in the West Indies and found you tied in the medicine man's hut waiting to be sacrificed to prevent the volcano from erupting. It was all I could do not to ravish you right then and there bound all spread-eagle like you were with your clothes barely hanging from your sweaty form after having been tossed about on the surf after the shipwreck two days earlier, but I cut you free and we escaped by diving off the cliff to where my trusty partner Corky was waiting with the sea plane and we escaped just before volcano exploded.
Take a stab at my middle name:You have two. One from your Russian diplomat mother and another from the Spanish bull fighter your mother wrongly believed to be your father when she gave birth to the curl-haired baby girl. In reality, as you already know, your father was the bald pirate king you were searching for in the West Indies when you were captured a few days before we met. She didn't know he used to have curly hair.
How long have you known me:It has only been six weeks, but your account of the tumultuous affair that ensued is already up to 200 pages and is beyond your publisher's wildest expectations. Remarkably, every word of it is true, even the part about the octopus and the singing cobra.
When is the last time that we saw each other:Just before I left for the Andes to seek the assistance of the local revolutionaries in finding your long lost half-brother who was rumored to be searching for the ruins of the lost city of Monsoonia.
Do I drink:You gave it up after you wrecked your yacht while on a bender following your long-time fiancee's unexpected breakup with you over the nautical radio. And we all know how that ended up.
When is my birthday:2/14/07
What was your first impression of upon meeting me:She's really kinky. Then I realized that you were probably drugged by the medicine man and it would almost certainly be more fun if I held off until you actually let me take advantage of you.
Do I have any siblings:I haven't found any trace of him or his remains yet, but the natives in the area may have some idea. I will keep searching.
What's one of my favorite things to do:You're pretty handy with an anti-aircraft gun, but you remember that story, I'm sure.
Am I funny:You certainly had us laughing during that number you did in that nightclub in Hong Kong. Incidentally, was that chorus girl upset that you ruined the outfit you borrowed?
What's my favorite type of music:People say he's passe', but you and I both still have a thing for Django Reinhardt and le Quintette du Hot Club de France.
What is the best feature about me:Probably the one The New Yorker did about our adventures together getting out of China. They made it sound almost as exciting as it really was!
Am I shy or outgoing:In bed or out?
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:Who says a lady can't carry a gun (and a dagger)?
Do I have any special talents:I knew you had a lot of sea-faring experience, but I had no idea you knew so many knots until that time we captured those Nazis trying to blow up the treasury in Switzerland.
Would you consider me a friend/good friend:You didn't have to come back for me when I was trapped in that Aztec tomb, but somehow you managed to steal that tank and bust through the wall, so... yeah.
What is a memory we have once had:By "once had" I guess you mean that night we'll never recall but that ended up on the society pages anyway. Was that your first threesome?
Have you ever hugged me:Are you forgetting that time the opium dealer tied us together and dropped us into the harbor with a block of concrete chained around our ankles? And you thought those metabolism-slowing exercises I taught you were a waste! That'll teach you to scoff at my years with those monks in the Himalayas.
Have you ever kissed me:Does the life-saving mouth-to-mouth I gave you after you suffocated under the avalanche not count?
Do you miss me:Yes. STOP. Will send for you shortly. STOP. Hope to find your half-brother soon. STOP.
Do you think i miss you:I hope so because otherwise I could be better spending my time and commision for returning that stolen Van Gogh in a brothel in Sing Sing.
What is my favorite food:Probably that roast pheasant in Paris we had just before the gunfight I had with the communist revolutionaries broke out and ruined our meal. They deserved every bullet I put into them for their rudeness.
Have you ever had a crush on me:The avalanche nearly did.
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:Shortround.
Who do I like right now:Me, for saving your skin and then for stroking it the way only I know how.
What is my worst habit:Forgetting to reload until we're in the middle of a crossfire.
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring:Last time we were, you kept saying you wished you had a copy of something by T.S. Elliot, and I had to explain to you that we were aready in the wastelands, my dear.
Will you repost this so I can do it for you?I'm too busy right now thinking about tying you back to some bamboo. Show me how you do some of those knots, why don't you?
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