Failure to Communicate
This isn't my story.  It was told to me by my then-girlfriend Katherine years ago, and I always thought it would be a funny piece for Reader's Digest if it wasn't so inappropriate.

My ex-girlfriend Katherine had two opposing sides to her personality. Normally, she was very reserved and presented a conservative, self-conscious front. However, she was a very sexual person, and enjoyed being theatrical. Of course, she only revealed this around her closest friends... or, paradoxically, around strangers who she knew she would never see again.

For example, she and her roommate Suzie (real name, I swear) used to enjoy getting decked out in the most outrageously slutty outfits and wandering around the French Quarter. Suzie lived just a few miles outside of the Quarter, so Katherine stayed at her place over the weekend from time to time. After one of these forays through the Quarter, Katherine told me the following story.

She and Suzie had done their usual "dress-up" thing and headed toward Bourbon St. You can't park terribly close to the best places since much of the Quarter has the streets blocked off to make them accessible to pedestrians only. However, they had to walk through a few areas where there was still some light traffic.

As they made their way down one of these streets, the two girls noticed a car driving by with its dome light on. They could see inside the car where four guys were talking excitedly to one another in sign language. That was something you didn't see every day, and Katherine pointed them out to Suzie.

Just then, the car slowed down and the guys looked excitedly toward them. Of course, the girls looked like something of a caricature... which was pretty much the effect they were going for. They were dressed something like what I would imagine must have been Madonna's costume in "Desperately Seeking Susan." They had on a lot of leather including, Katherine told me most proudly, a pair of thigh-high leather boots. In short, they looked like street walkers... not least of which because they were in fact walking the streets of the so-called Big Easy.

The guys in the car slowed alongside them, and the one closest the curb motioned inquisitively to them the universal sign for fucking: Finger moving in and out of the opposing index finger and thumb making an "O."

The girls were shocked and repulsed. Katherine put her finger in her mouth and returned the seemingly universal gesture for "That's gross." Of course, if an index finger can represent a penis in one context, why not here as well?

And that's exactly what the carload of deaf guys thought. They all nodded their heads appreciatively as if to say, "We'll definitely take that instead!"

The expressions on Katherine's and Suzie's faces in response to this must have removed all ambiguity about the girls' interest (or lack thereof) at this point because the guys clearly looked disappointed and quickly drove off, leaving the girls laughing about the funniest thing that would happen to them that night.

Copyright 2005 Ale[x]plicit.
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