A couple years ago Sally (not her real name) sent me a friend request. No message, just the request. What most people get from me in response to this is a message asking them, "Do I know you?" Depending on my mood, sometimes it's "Do I fucking know you?" In this case I actually personalized it a bit. I wrote her, "Your profile says that you don't want to add anyone that you aren't going to talk to, but I got a friend request from you with no message." She replied that she liked my profile or something I wrote in a forum (I forget), but if I was so offended by her request, I could delete it. Yeah, thanks for your permission, flake. I deleted it.
A few months went by before I received another request from her, this time with the message, "Let's try this again," and some additional text. I don't know how many requests each week I get, but this is pretty much all I ask for. Just write me something. If you're a band, at least you have music I probably won't like, and if you're a webcam whore, at least you have skanky pictures to offer. A cold friend request is a contradiction though, and if you can't even message me so much as a "Hello," then fuck off.
This time I got the requisite note, so I added her. I mean, why not, right? She answered that for me when the bulletins started.
I think my aversion to surveys is well-documented in the MySpace Annoyances entry in my blog and my position hasn't changed in all that time since these kinds of bulletins are so fundamentally stupid that there's just no warming to them. I mean, if you can't find something interesting to forward instead out of the ENTIRE INTERNET, and if you have nothing interesting to say about yourself, and if the best you can come up with is an uninteresting survey someone forwarded you that you could tell us all the most uninteresting things about yourself, well, I have no idea why you exist.
Okay, I'll admit there was one interesting thing about her surveys: In just about every one of them I read (admittedly, this wasn't many after a while) there was something about sex. Don't get too excited; they weren't even remotely submissions to Penthouse Forum. These are, after all, MySpace surveys: just lists of places she'd had sex, how many people she'd had sex with, how many people she'd had sex with at one time, etc. No, for real. I'm hardly a prude, but let me ask you when the last time was I posted something about my sex life? If you really want details, I'll provide you with references, but I just think you really have to have some issues and/or absolutely no class to wave your panties in the air... especially in a way as mind-numbling uninteresting as a survey. Way to make sex boring, Sally! There ought to be a prize for that.
Oh, never mind the inherent hypocrisy in the above coupled with her going on about how she was Episcopal. Yeah, I know that's Bullshit Lite as far as religions go, but that's still fucking bullshit. If you have a background in science (which she does) and still believe in that crap (which she does), seriously, no one should fucking hire you. It says that you ignore logic, reason, facts, evidence, and all rest of reality that you need to keep handy at all times to function on an effective and ethical basis on the job and in your life.
Just the same, at one point I figured I'd be in her neighborhood, so I asked her if she wanted to go urbexing in the area where she lived. I have a "to do" list of places I want to check out that way, and it's a bit of a drive, so I hadn't (and still haven't) gotten around to it. She came up with a lame excuse. Okay, that's fine. Of course, it's hard to know if someone's just putting you off politely or if they genuinely have no interest. She sent me her schedule, so it didn't read as a "no."
A while later I asked again if she was interested, and I didn't even get a reply. Personally, that's a pet peeve. You just answer one way or the other in whatever manner you like, but you don't leave someone hanging since, in this case, I planned to ask someone else in the area if he wanted to join us. I should have dropped her then, but I know some people are just flakey, and I'm more of an asshole and less of a curmudgeon. I took a different friend exploring elsewhere instead and didn't worry about it.
A while back she adopted my thing of grouping Top Friends by themes. Last week's theme was friends she'd invite to her "imaginary orgy." I guess I was supposed to be flattered by my inclusion in this list, but I'm not sure. I mean, it's imaginary. This is apparently what screwed-up twenty-somethings do now in place of the imaginary tea parties they once had with Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Bear. I razzed her about that. Strike One for me.
Oh, and I thought her profile was gaudy as shit. I mean, there ought to be a law against double-digits of graphics on your main page, especially when they're completely random shit. Thankfully, sometime last week someone hacked her page. Even before they started sending out bulletins and comments advertising whatever the fuck I wasn't interested in buying, they deleted her About Me. Apparently it was deemed so bad that even spammers couldn't be associated with it. She bulletined asking if anyone knew what happened to it. I told her it was the fashion police. I don't think she liked that one either. Strike Two, you might say.
Apparently the rest of the internet was
too boring for her because the other morning she posted several surveys
and quizzes. My favorite was one titled "non-conformism = fun" which
was an internet quiz that reported that she was "66% Non Conformist"
Oh, this is just too easy. I wrote her back and said:
Subject: I don't buy that result.
Body: Fun facts:
People who are as much as 1% non-conformist do not rely on online quizzes to tell them who they are. And if they're 0.03% non-conformist, they don't bother to repost results from such authoritative sources as internet quiz makers.
Strike Three. She deleted me.
And yet she was still subscribed to my
blog. I thought maybe I should try to patch things up between us.
Body: ...and 97% non-conformists don't get pissed off what others think of them.
p.s. In fact, non-conformists don't care what others think in general which is why 0% of them subscribe to my blog.
No reply. I couldn't goad her into coming out of hiding from behind her private profile, so that's all the material she's willing to give me.
And yet she's still subscribed to my page
for some reason. Okay, cyber-stalk my blog. Yeah, that'll show
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