Meet Jorge
Meet Jorge Miguel.  Jorge wrote me out of the blue when I set up a fake profile on MySpace.  I constructed my alter ego out of text and a picture lifted from a handful of other profiles, then established her on the opposite side of the country from her genetic donors.

Yes, these are the actual pictures he posted.  Write your own caption for them.  I can't post any of the ones I've come up with here without guilt.



Jorge wrote me (well, her) the following.
From: JORGE MIGUEL
Date: Apr 8, 2005 10:04 PM
Subject: HELLO

Body: HELLO LIKE THESE, I FINISH SEEING And READING YOUR PROFILE, And ME VERY INTERESTING PARECIO And I LIKE MUCH. ME GUSTARIA CONOCERTE And MAS KNOWLEDGE OF YOU. I AM CALLED JORGE MIGUEL, MY SIGN IS SAGITARIO, NACI A 23-11-1970, I HAVE 34 A?S, I AM UNMARRIED And WITHOUT FIANC..E. I AM OF COSTA RICA. I AM A VERY SERIOUS BOY And RESPONSIBLE, WHO NEVER JUGARIA WITH The FEELINGS OF A WOMAN, THAT DOES NOT GO With Me And I AM NOT ASI. I AM A BOY WHO FIGHTS And GIVES The BEST Thing OF IF, SO THAT A RELATION GROWS, HE IS FORTIFIED, BECOMES LASTING And STABLE, FULL OF MUCH LOVE, TENDERNESS And PASSION. IF THAT MEANS THAT I MUST RELOCATE ME BY MY PAIR THE HARIA. I AM A VERY SPECIAL, TENDER BOY, LOVER OF DETAIL, OF OPENED MIND, SINCERE, HONEST, VERY FAITHFUL, SIMPATICO, VERY SWEET, ENTHUSIASTIC And ARDENT, EXPRESSIVE, I LIKE MUCH MIMAR And CHINEAR To MY PAIR, WHEN I HAVE HAD IT. I LIKE TO ENJOY The LIFE And KNOWLEDGE TO VALUE The PEQUE?S DETAILS And The PEQUE?S THINGS. I HOPE YOU WRITE To ME, YOU TELL ME OF YOU, YOUR TASTES, YOUR HOBIES, YOUR PAIS And IF A PHOTO TO BEGIN CONOCERTE IS POSSIBLE MANDAME. MY MAIL IS [deleted]@GMAIL.COM Or [deleted]@HOTMAIL.COM. WITH MUCH AFFECTION And ESTEEM JORGE MIGUEL. COQUI

No, I don't know why he types like that either, but I looked up his profile to see if there was a Jorge to English translator.  Instead, I went further down the rabbit whole by reading the following...
JORGE MIGUEL's Blurbs

About me:
I AM A VERY SPECIAL, TENDER BOY, LOVER OF DETAIL, SIMPATICO, HONEST, SINCERE, VERY FAITHFUL, ROMANTICO, SENSIBLE, COMPREHENSIVE, VERY SWEET, ENTHUSIASTIC, VERY ARDENT, I LIKE MUCH MIMAR And CHINEAR To MY PAIR WHEN I HAVE HAD IT, I LIKES MUCH TO ENJOY The LIFE And KNOWLEDGE TO VALUE The SMALL THINGS And The SMALL DETAILS, I AM A BOY WHO FIGHTS And GIVES The BEST Thing OF IF, SO THAT A RELATION GROWS, HE IS FORTIFIED, BECOMES LASTING And STABLE, FULL OF MUCH LOVE, TENDERNESS And PASSION, IF THAT MEANS THAT I MUST RELOCATE ME BY MY PAIR The HARIA.ONE OF MY GREAT DREAMS IS TO FIND THAT GIRL SPECIAL, TO SHARE MY LIFE, MY DREAMS, I PUT, PROFITS And ILLUSIONS, And TO FORM A BEAUTIFUL One And IS CONTIGUOUS FAMILY FELIS.MY FAVORITE SPORTS ARE the BASKET, the BOWLING ALLEY, the FISHING, SWIMMING. IT FASCINATES BILLIARDS TO ME. I AM A BOY OF VERY OPEN MIND, NO WAY ME MOLESTARIA TO HAVE A RELATION WITH A BISEXUAL GIRL Or TO HAVE An AMIGA Or HOMOSEXUAL Or BISEXUAL FRIEND.

Who I'd like to meet:
I LIKE MUCH TO DANCE, TO COOK, TO GO To the CINEMA, To the THEATER, TO GO To The BEACH, OIR And TO COLLECT MUSICA, TO KNOW NEW PLACES, MASTER The NATURE And ITS LANDSCAPES, TO TRAVEL WHEN I HAVE The OPPORTUNITY, TO GO Once in a while To A GOOD BAR, PUB, DISCOTECA Or RESTAURANT

JORGE MIGUEL's Interests

General THE MUSICA, THE KITCHEN, THE NATURE, THE FILATELIA,

Music I LIKE ALL TYPE OF MUSICA, AMONG THEM SAUCE, merengue, socca, INSTRUMENTS, BALLADS IN INGLES, ROMANTICA

Movies DRAMA, ACTION, ROMANCE, EROTICAS, MYSTERY, TERROR, COMEDY, AMONG THEM PRETTY WOMAN And The DAY Of the ARREPENDIMIENTO.ME PLEASE TO SEE SOME GOOD PELICULA PORNO ONCE IN A WHILE

Television I LIKE The PROGRAMS TO LOOK FOR PAIR, LIKE BACHERLOMAN Or BACHERLOWOMAN.SERIES OF ACTION,

Books LA BIBLIA, EL VENDEDOR MAS GRANDE DEL MUNDO

Heroes EL PAPA JUAN PABLO SEGUNDO

Groups:  Make Out Club , looking for new friends , Singles & Looking

JORGE MIGUEL's Details
Status: Single
Here for: Serious Relationships, Friends
Orientation: Straight
Hometown: SAN JOSE, COSTA RICA
Body type: 5' 10" / Average
Ethnicity: Latino / Hispanic
Religion: Catholic
Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius
Smoke / Drink: Yes / Yes
Children: Someday
Education College graduate
Occupation VENTAS
 

But I figured, what the hell, I'll accept his friend request.  Bad idea.  He took that as an invitation to write me back... with the same form letter as he has sent probably hundreds of other girls.  (Note that one of the email addresses changed, possibly because the police are monitoring it following his inability to adhere to the terms of a restraining order.)
From: JORGE MIGUEL
Date: Apr 15, 2005 5:31 PM
Subject: HELLO

Body: HELLO LIKE THESE, I FINISH SEEING And READING YOUR PROFILE, And ME VERY INTERESTING PARECIO And I LIKE MUCH. ME GUSTARIA CONOCERTE And MAS KNOWLEDGE OF YOU. I AM CALLED JORGE MIGUEL, MY SIGN IS SAGITARIO, NACI A 23-11-1970, I HAVE 34 A?S, I AM UNMARRIED And WITHOUT FIANC..E. I AM OF COSTA RICA. I AM A VERY SERIOUS BOY And RESPONSIBLE, WHO NEVER JUGARIA WITH The FEELINGS OF A WOMAN, THAT DOES NOT GO With Me And I AM NOT ASI. I AM A BOY WHO FIGHTS And GIVES The BEST Thing OF IF, SO THAT A RELATION GROWS, HE IS FORTIFIED, BECOMES LASTING And STABLE, FULL OF MUCH LOVE, TENDERNESS And PASSION. IF THAT MEANS THAT I MUST RELOCATE ME BY MY PAIR THE HARIA. I AM A VERY SPECIAL, TENDER BOY, LOVER OF DETAIL, OF OPENED MIND, SINCERE, HONEST, VERY FAITHFUL, SIMPATICO, VERY SWEET, ENTHUSIASTIC And ARDENT, EXPRESSIVE, I LIKE MUCH MIMAR And CHINEAR To MY PAIR, WHEN I HAVE HAD IT. I LIKE TO ENJOY The LIFE And KNOWLEDGE TO VALUE The PEQUE?S DETAILS And The PEQUE?S THINGS. I HOPE YOU WRITE To ME, YOU TELL ME OF YOU, YOUR TASTES, YOUR HOBIES, YOUR PAIS And IF A PHOTO TO BEGIN CONOCERTE IS POSSIBLE MANDAME. MY MAIL IS [deleted]@GMAIL.COM Or [deleted]@HOTMAIL.COM. WITH MUCH AFFECTION And ESTEEM JORGE MIGUEL. COQUI


So I went on his profile and put the word out to the rest of the ladies by posting this on his profile:

"Thanks for the form message... twice! Girls love that!"
Naturally, he has no idea what I meant by that, but hopefully the rest of his would-be victims are sharp enough to pick up on the fact that he's on-line eight hours a day trauling for an American wife and the promise of a visa.

Of course, he took this as an invitation for more conversation.

 
From: JORGE MIGUEL
Date: Apr 15, 2005 9:55 PM
Subject: HELLO MY PRINCESS

Body: HELLO THANKS TO WRITE, IN TRUTH I WANT CONOCERTE to ME, I FEEL THAT WE HAVE MUCH IN COMMON, I am VERY CONTENTED and I HOPE THAT YOU WRITE to ME SOON and YOU SEND a PHOTO to ME, Or ME DES YOUR email, FOR HACERTE TO ARRIVE a MIA, WITH LOVE JORGE MIGUEL
 

As always, I ignored him and have never replied directly to any of the above other than accepting the friend request and posting the comment.  Yet, a couple months later...
From: JORGE MIGUEL
Date: Jul 22, 2005 9:17 PM
Subject: HI

Body: HELLO LIKE THESE, MY BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS, I FINISH REALIZING THAT YOU ACCEPTED TO ME, I AM VERY CONTENTED. IN TRUTH DESIRE CONOCERTE And TO LEARN EVERYTHING OF YOU. OF MY YOU DIRE THAT I AM A BOY OF VERY OPEN MIND, SINCERE, VERY SENSIBLE And COMPREHENSIVE. I LIKE MUCH TO DANCE, TO COOK, TO GO To the CINEMA, To the THEATER, TO GO To The BEACH, TO KNOW PLACES, MASTER NEW The NATURE And HIS LANDSCAPES, I I LIKE TO TRAVEL WHEN I HAVE The OPPORTUNITY, LIKES TO COLLECT MUSICA, STAMPS, TO GO Once in a while To A GOOD BAR, PUB, DISCOTECA Or RESTAURANT. MY FAVORITE SPORTS ARE the BASKET, the BOWLING ALLEY, the FISHING, SWIMMING, the BEISBOL, FASCINATES BILLIARDS to me. ME GUSTARIA TO HAVE YOUR MAIL FOR ESCRIBIRTE FOLLOWED MAS, IN TRUTH I LIKE And YOU INTEREST MUCH To ME. I HOPE YOU WRITE To ME SOON And YOU TELL MAS ME OF YOU. WITH LOVE JORGE MIGUEL. COQUI.


Poor guy.


Copyright 2005 "personAle[x]."
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