Funny personal ads
Just a collection of funny Personal Ads someone
BABY BIRD / Fed up with watersports?
Constrained by traditional dominant- submissive roles? Try a more nurturing
role: feed me like a baby pelican! Both sexes welcome. I supply the raw
herring, you bring the big strap-on beak. No weirdos.
Minimalist seeks woman
Patriarch of up-and-coming religion
seeks altar girl
Jane no good, Cheetah stinks. Tarzan
seeks swinging GM to be the lord of his jungle.
SWM, old, fat, balding, many disgusting
habits seeks SWF with money. Send pictures of your house, car, RV. This
could be your lucky day.
Hello, I am Neil, 52-years old and
single. I have a 12-year-old daughter that is my own, however, my former
wife disappeared with her, two years ago somewhere in the Phillipines.
I am an insurance agent and sold to myself large amounts of life insurance,
which is very important now, in that I now have a spreading prostate cancer
that is expected to kill me, within three years! #1715
JELLO BOY-SWM who likes to slowly fold
canned fruit into jello, seeks female partner for distinctly American activities.
Dirty pigeons need not respond. Teleclub Ext. 40485
"Submissive male seeks dominant female
with extensive knowledge of knots."
Mix on the Beach Mix 1970 SWM Vodka,
Hazel melon, Pineapple Blonde Juice, GL Rasberry Liqueur,NM Cranberry Juice.
Shake with 20-30oz SF in ice in a tall NS glass. Drink Casually only.
1970 GMC w/Jet Skiis SWM, NM, GL, NS,
SD, AC. Low mileage, custom paint, long sandy blonde graphics. 6'2" Lift.
Bright hazel headlights will take 20-30 SF anywhere. Email for free test
Superboy seeks Clarke Kent. Come fly
Hideous-looking, obese, smelly, ill-tempered,
lazy, cowardly, chronic, and a complete liar seeks total opposite.
SWM into chainsaws and hockey masks
seek likeminded SWF. No weirdos, please.
SWM seeks 300lb+ woman to sit and squash
doughnuts on me. Box 1234 From the Boston Phoenix
Bitter, unsuccessful middle aged loser
wallowing in an unending sea of inert, drooping loneliness looking for
24 year old needy leech-like hanger-on to abuse with dull stories, tired
sex and Herb Alpert albums. Baby, you are my Tijuana Taxi.
Me -- trying to sleep on the bus station
bench, pleading with you to give me a cigarette; you-choking on my odor,
tripping over your purse trying to get away; at the last moment, our eyes
meeting. Yours were blue. Can I have a dollar?
Three toed mango peeler searching for
wicked lesbian infielder. Like screaming and marking territory with urine?
Let's make banana enchiladas together in my bathtub. You bring the salsa.
I like eating mayonnaise and peanut
butter sandwiches in the rain, watching Barney Miller reruns, peeing on
birds in the park and licking strangers on the subway; you eat beets raw,
have climbed Kilimanjaro, and sweat freely and often. Must wear size five
There is a little place in the jumbled
sock drawer of my heart where you match up all the pairs, throw out the
ones with holes in them, and buy me some of those neat dressy ones with
the weird black and red geometrical designs on them.
Angry, simple-minded, balding, partially
blind ex-circus flipper boy with a passion for covering lovers in sour
cream and gravy seeks exotic, heavily tattooed piercing fanatic, preferably
hairy and stinky, either sex, for whippings, bizarre sex and fashion consulting.
When I was thirty my dates had to be
young, slim, tall, handsome, rich, intelligent. Now I'm 64, they only have
to know how to read and use the telephone!
Definitely check out Lavalife. It
is a service I used when I was in the on-line dating scene.
I recommend it over any of the "big guys"
(I won't mention any names) because you only pay for what you use, not
If you want to know more about them, please
feel free to write me.
"personAle[x]" ...well, except for the personal ads.