People who make hand gestures while talking on a Bluetooth. It's bad enough that I can't tell if you're on a cell phone or having schizo moment right out of Fight Club, but when you're gesticulating and speaking in the general direction of NOBODY'S THERE, I'm going to assume the latter and avoid the fucking fuck out of you.
People who jump up and stand in the aisle the moment the plane comes to a halt at the gate. And then they stand there. Hey, jackass, you aren't going anywhere. We're twenty rows back. It takes you all of two seconds to get your bag from overhead. What's your hurry to go absolutely no fucking where? Have a seat and find something to do. You telling me someone as bright as you finished this whole issue of Skymall already?
People who work at Wal-mart. This would take more time to go into than they've wasted of mine.
People (guys, actually) who throw/spit gum in urinals. Are you too fucking stupid to see it won't fit through the screen? How do you think it gets out of there? Yeah, by the hand of a janitor who would very much like to return it to its asshole owner's mouth in its urine-soaked state.
People (girls, actually... and it's always girls; let's not pretend) who can't talk about sex without getting freaked out. They're still in sixth grade. To them sex is icky. Sex is dirty. Why won't everyone leave them alone with this awful "sex" business?! They'd happily sew their snatch shut if it meant they didn't have to think about the subject again. I don't know if they came from the factory with these defects or whether it's the product of an upbringing featuring some combination of religion and/or more physical varities of molestation, but please stay the fuck out of our lives so we don't have to tip-toe through conversations with you.
People who say the word "nuclear" with three syllables. You should be exposed to radiation in the vicinity of your gonads.
People who stop walking when they get to the escalator. Hey, idiots, pretend it's stairs with a bonus. Because that's what it is. Or if you are going to downshift to ABSOLUTE LAZY, then how about you GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY?!
People who don't get back to you when you ask someone something directly in an email. I know I'm sarcastic sometimes and maybe rhetorical occasionally, but if a sentence ends with a question mark and it's directed to you, I'm probably curious about something and would appreciate your answer.
People who make a veer right just to turn left. What the fuck is wrong with them? It's a Toyota, not a school bus. If your turning radius is really that broad, that piece of shit you're driving ought to be taken off the road.
People who call you back when they see you've left a message... that they never fucking bothered to listen to. The message is right there. You want to know what it says? It says you don't need to fucking call me. It says if you call me, you'll fucking wake the baby, ruin the surprise party, etc. Just listen to the goddamned message before you call wasting my fucking time. Why are you making me tell you the same fucking thing twice, fuckwad?
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