The NatioALEXaminer Stories

The following is an actual news story.  My comments in brackets cannot improve on the content, but it's better than my typing LOL endlessly.

Chocolate Jesus sculpture returns to NYC
By LARRY McSHANE, Associated Press Writer Wed Oct 17, 11:19 AM ET
NEW YORK - "My Sweet Lord," an anatomically correct milk chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ that infuriated Catholics before its April unveiling was canceled, returns Oct. 27 to a Chelsea art gallery, its creator said Tuesday.  [Frugal college students take note: Tickets will be marked down Nov. 1 along with other seasonal candy exhibits.]

This time, artist Cosimo Cavallaro said he expects the public exhibit to proceed without a problem.  [Hopefully parents will have coached visitors to say "Trick or treat" and "Thank you."]

"There is nothing offensive about this," Cavallaro said of his controversial confectionary work. "If my intentions were to offend, if I did do something wrong, I wouldn't be doing this. But I didn't do anything wrong."  [Indeed if there was ever a time when our country more needed to make brutal torture and executions more appealing, it would have to be now... and involve candy, of course.]

Cavallaro, who received death threats before the April show was canceled, said the vast majority of his mail was in support of his six-foot piece.  [Mel Gibson even sought to option the piece for use in his next snuff film about Jesus, but for some reason wondered if chocolate was considered kosher.]

"I got a lot of positive mail from people in the Catholic Church, people studying theology, people in monasteries  all kinds of letters and e-mails of support," he said.  [In particular, some priests thought the idea of an edible naked candy Jesus might be a good means of luring children back into the Church.]

The last show was criticized for its timing and its location. The exhibit, in a gallery visible to passers-by on a Manhattan street, was set to open one day after Palm Sunday and four days before Christians marked the crucifixion of Christ on Good Friday.  [So instead, how about a few days before Halloween, that other diabetes-inducing holiday?]

The Catholic League, which led the charge against "My Sweet Lord" back then, said the change to the Proposition Gallery and the exhibition's new opening date would keep it from calling for another shutdown of the sculpture's showing.  [That, plus they realize they just drummed up business for the competition last time by making asses of themselves after giving up the use of their brains for Lent.]

"We don't approve of the piece at all, but it's not something we're going to protest," said Kiera McCaffrey, the league's director of communications. "This is much less an in-your-face assault on Christians, and it's not happening during Holy Week."  [The less in-your-face approach was prompted by the realization that the quickest way to a sinner's heart is through his stomach and probably should involve full-frontal nudity.]

The exhibit, at the Proposition Gallery in Manhattan, will be accompanied by a set of chocolate Catholic icons created by Cavallaro, a group that includes the Virgin Mary and saints Francis, Augustine, Michael, Jude, Anthony and Fermin.  [Museum patrons will, however, be forced to guess which contain nuts, caramel, or cream filling.]

"After the cancellation of the show, it got me to look into the Catholic religion a little deeper," Cavallero said. "I started thinking about the saints, how they were ostracized for their beliefs and then canonized."  [A little-known fact is that some were even burned at the stake after being placed between graham crackers and marshmallows.]

Cavallaro's work features Christ with outstretched arms, as though hanging from an invisible cross. Unlike traditional religious depictions of Christ, Cavallaro's Jesus lacks a loincloth.  [The cross was removed to avoid offending the extremely sensitive vampire demographic while the loincloth was dispensed with because it was otherwise sooooo difficult to attract effete New Yorkers to an art museum.]

The sculpture is actually a new version of "My Sweet Lord," created with 200 pounds of chocolate over three days. The original was stored in a Brooklyn facility where mice nibbled away at its hands, ears, nose and feet, forcing Cavallaro to toss the original and recast the sculpture.  [Cavallaro was not upset and forgave the little creatures, pointing out that they know no what they chew.]

Article originally appeared in unmodified form here:

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