The NatioALEXaminer Stories

The following is an actual news story.  My comments in brackets cannot improve on the content, but it's better than my typing LOL endlessly.

Iran outraged by Hollywood war epic
Tue Mar 13, 2007, 8:09 AM ET
TEHRAN (AFP) - War epic "300", a smash hit in the United States for its gory portrayal of the Greco-Persian wars, has drawn the wrath of Iranians for showing their ancestors as bloodthirsty "savages".  [Apparently they wish us to think they've only acquired the reputation for being bloodthirsty savages throughout this century.

The press, officials and bloggers have united in denouncing the film as another example of "psychological warfare" against Tehran by its American arch enemy at a time of mounting tension over its nuclear programme.  [Reality check: Americans are making historic epic movies.  Iranians are concentrating weapons-grade nuclear fuel.]

"Hollywood declares war on Iranians," said the headline in the reformist daily Ayandeh-No of the film which tells the story of the 300 Spartan soldiers fighting off ancient Persians in the Battle of Thermopylae.  [Yeah, sure.  Iran really needs to worry about a bunch of left-winger movie "artists" declaring war on them.  Take a look on the east coast and the opposite end of the American political spectrum, you idiots.]

"It seeks to tell people that Iran, which is in the Axis of Evil now, has for long been the source of evil and modern Iranians' ancestors are the ugly murderous dumb savages you see in '300'," fumed the paper on its front page.  [Of course, the movies are an escape from the daily headlines reminding us that modern Iranians are fueling murderous dumb conflict among their neighbors.]

A cultural advisor to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad described the film as "American psychological warfare against Iran."  [Wait.  What?  There's a cultural advisor to the president of a country that wants to eradicate all cultures not in line with the Koran?]

"American cultural officials thought they could get mental satisfaction by plundering Iran's historic past and insulting this civilization," Javad Shamaghdari told semi-official Fars news agency. [Ideology?  Ha!  They were just hoping for ticket sales.]

Three MPs in the Iranian parliament have also written to the foreign ministry to protest to the production and screening of this "anti-Iranian Hollywood film".  [Again, note that any film out of Hollywood or anywhere else in the world that doesn't require the female members of the cast to wear a bag over their head is considered anti-Iranian.]

The film has already proved a major box office hit in the United States and, unsurprisingly, Greece.  [Where it's drawing the most box office since My Big Fat Greek Wedding.]

It is highly improbable the film would ever be screened in the Islamic republic but contraband DVDs of the latest American movies are often available on the streets no sooner that they are internationally released.  [Point to ponder: Do they still get their hands cut off if they are caught stealing from Americans?]

Cyber savvy Iranians have already started online petitions and set off "Google bombs" against "300".  [After all, if there's anything Iranians know how to do it's setting off bombs.]

The furore over "300" is by no means the first time Iran has been left fuming over Western portrayals of its ancient history.  [And don't even get them started on what they think of Keifer Sutherland.]

Iranians were also enraged by the 2004 epic 'Alexander' about the conquest of the Persian Empire and a notorious 2005 British newspaper review of an exhibition of antiquities which branded ancient Persia the "Evil Empire".  [When questioned about this continuing trend, '300' creator Frank Miller echoed Collin Farel's earlier comment on the same misplaced fundamentalist hysteria saying simply, "Fuck 'em."]

Copyright 2007 "The NatioALEXaminer"... except the article, of course.
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