The NatioALEXaminer Stories

The following is an actual news story.  This is possibly the most unintentionally funny news piece I've ever read.  My comments in brackets cannot improve on the content, but it's better than my typing LOL endlessly.

'12-year-old' is 29-year-old sex offender
POSTED: 8:54 p.m. EST, January 19, 2007
PHOENIX, Arizona (AP) -- A charter school alerted authorities to a 29-year-old sex offender who tried to enroll there, pretending he was just 12, in what sheriff's officials said Friday may have been an attempt to lure children into sexual abuse.  [What's with the "may" have been?  Do other hypotheses include him brushing up on 7th grade math?  Did they suppose he had a crush on the lunch lady?]

The Yavapai County sheriff's office also said Neil Havens Rodreick II conned two men he was living with and having sex with into believing he was a young boy.

One of them, 61-year-old Lonnie Stiffler, called himself Rodreick's grandfather when he tried to enroll him at Mingus Springs Charter School as "Casey Price."  [Go back and read that again.  "Lonnie Stiffler."  I'm almost convinced they're either making this up or there is a god with an incredible sense of humor.]

"This is the weirdest case I've seen in 18 years," sheriff's spokeswoman Susan Quayle said. "If it wasn't so sad it would be funny." [No, it's just plain funny.  Until you find me a victim here, it's fucking hilarious.]

A total of four men were in custody in the case Friday on various charges, including fraud, forgery, identity theft and failure to register as a sex offender.

Officials at the charter school in Chino Valley, about 90 miles northwest of Phoenix, told deputies that papers the "grandfather" presented appeared to be fake and that the "boy" looked much older than 12.  [Maybe they should have registered the "boy" as an altar boy?  I'm sure the Church can't be chosey these days.]

Stiffler and Robert James Snow, 43, "were very upset when the detectives told them they had been having a sexual relationship with a 29-year-old man and not a pre-teen boy," Quayle said. [This is my favorite sentence ever written.  Get this.  They were upset that, after everything else they're going to be charged with, they wouldn't be charged with having sex with a minor.]

Detectives have evidence that Stiffler and Snow enrolled Rodreick in other Arizona schools, and have notified law enforcement in those jurisdictions, Quayle said.

It was unclear whether Rodreick had actually attended any schools, but Quayle said, "I think what we're looking at is that he's being used to troll for other kids."  [Wait.  "Other" kids?  Where was the first kid?  Oh, yeah.  That 29 year-old managed to fool everybody AGAIN!]

She said detectives learned in interviews with the men that Rodreick convinced Stiffler and Snow that he was a boy after they met him two years ago over the Internet. Rodreick apparently shaved his body hair and used makeup to keep up the guise.  [Fortunately, this should be good practice for prison.]

Deputies who served a search warrant at a Chino Valley home Thursday found Stiffler, Snow, Rodreick and Brian J. Nellis, 34. Quayle said Nellis was apparently Rodreick's cell mate in an Oklahoma prison, where both served time for sex offenses.  [I wonder if he tried to pass off the former cell mate as someone he met at summer camp.  Can you imagine the Nair these guys must have gone through?]

They were jailed on $50,000 bond, except Stiffler, who has no bail set. It was not immediately clear Friday whether the men had attorneys.  [Nor if they have agents for the Farrelly brothers to negotiate with for the movie rights.]


Copyright 2007 "The NatioALEXaminer"... except the article, of course.
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