Look. I don't like you and you don't like me. But business is your god right after the imaginary one you're all so hung up on, so maybe we can make a deal.
Here's the problem. I'm not so crazy about Texas. Yes, the weather is nice and warm and it's usually pretty dry, but (and I'm sorry to have to be so blunt) it's you. All the crazy NASCAR-obsessed racist gun-waving abortion-protesting homophobic Jesus-freaks, well, they kind of detract from the atmosphere. I'm not saying this is Mississippi or anything, but there's a whiff of it. I'd like to move, but California is too expensive.
That's where you come in.
I know you have major real estate holdings on the West Coast. You can't help yourself. You hate all those pinko commie fags, but you can't pass up a good investment. Location, location, location, as they say. The problem is, you're keeping all us liberals out. In fact, thanks to your investment schemes crashing and destroying the housing market, you've actually got Californians scurrying for more reasonably-priced homes in states that don't lean so heavily blue. What you need to do is get some of us godless heathens sequestered back in Sodom and Gomorrah where we belong.
Interesting, thanks to the brilliance of the electoral college, my vote doesn't count here in Texas the way it would in a swing state like, say, Florida or Indiana. Of course, those states aren't my first choice, but I think I'm going to have to settle (in both senses of the word) unless someone intervenes.
If you buy me a place in Cali, that's one less swing voter for you to worry about in 2012. It seems like a mutually beneficial arrangement to me. I won't be able to do shit about keeping Sarah Palin from assuming the Ovary Office. And, frankly, if I'm set up securely in California with a bunch of other like-minded hippies, I won't care what you do with the rest of the country.
-Alexploring my options and eagerly awaiting
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