The Turquoise Is Gone

Katy wondered where the color goes.  Well, good thing I know everything.  Here's the bit of enlightenment I shared.

Katy writes:
the turquoise is gone

so what i've been thinking about lately is what happens to colors when they are "faded" by the sun.

for example, if i left a pan of water in my car, it would evaporate in the sun, but would re-condensate (or just plain condensate) on the inside of the car somewhere when the sun went down. at any rate, i know where the water goes.

some time ago, i left a turquoise something in my car and i noticed that the turquoise went away but i never rubbed my elbow in turquoise or smeared turquoise on my hair.

so what i want to know is where'd it go?? please tell me a story about where the turquoise is. katy prizes to be awarded for the best turquoise story.

the end.

-Curiosity is killing the Katy.


Alexplorer responds:
Come on, this isn't a huge mystery like where babies come from or something obscure like that.  Isn't it obvious?  The greens and blues are quietly stolen by little refrigerator elves where they stash it on anything even remotely orange.  Cheese, oranges, whatever.  Bread even.  They can't stand that color or anything within a few nanometers of that band of the spectrum.

See, many years ago (before you were even born or most people had cable tv) refrigerator elves were abused by the Orangable Snowman who came down from the freezer and made them pose for pictures in just their little elf hats and boots while holding various gardening impliments.  Fortunately, they eventually got a restraining order on the Orangable Snowman, and the Church quietly moved him to a different frozen foods department at a Carnival Supermarket in a bad part of town where the food was mostly Mexican and few, if any, paid any attention to their complaints about freezer burn.

However, to this day, the refrigerator elves are terrified if anything remotely orange turns up in their peripheral vision, so they have to ride stray sunbeams around town scavenging bits of color wherever it takes them.  They primarily target greens and blues to make patches of mold to cover things with since those are the polar opposite of orange.  (Note that only the most unfashionable and homophobic of countries would dare use these colors together in a flag.)

This cycle will probably go on endlessly unless they agree to get some professional counseling, but I don't expect that to ever happen.  Instead, they are always preparing for a war that never seems to come between themselves and the couch orcs who sustain themselves on cat hair and cracker crumbs as they hoard pocket change that they plan to beat into weapons as soon as they can build a fire with the heat the elves keep stored behind their refrigerator fortress that is guarded by the ferrocious dust bunnies.

Of course, you can always get colors back if you're willing to brave the refrigerator elves' traps, but most people can't stomach the orange foods the elves have "camouflaged" with their splotches of pilfered colors.  In fact, they usually con people into throwing away entire pieces of food rather than just trimming away the nasty bits... all because of that pervert in the freezer was trying to compensate for his "shrinkage" issues due to the cold.

I hope that makes things clear to you now, Virginia.  On the other hand, if you want to know about how the red sock turned all your white cotton panties pink, then you're going to have to ask someone else.  I can't tell that one without giggling uncontrollably.

-Alex.


Copyright 2006 Ale[x]trovert.
Back to the index