Catch Her in the Wry

I have a huge crush on my friend Tina.  If I had the time, energy, and nothing else better to do, I would probably stalk her beyond merely checking in on her (really funny and well-written) blog every once in a while.

Well, she posted the picture below, and it really hit the spot.  So I wrote her the following to let her know.



Tina,

You know how mentally deranged star-stalkers gradually make the transition from J.D. Salinger fans to unkempt weirdos standing outside apartment buildings because they think that an artist's media (that was in reality mass produced for consumption by millions of viewers/listeners) was somehow uniquely directed at them and therefore it's perfectly reasonable to stand outside said apartment building of their unhealthy fixation in the rain for weeks at a time?

Well, I don't want to become one of those guys, so I'll get you to instead tell me how you got inside my head to create and post a picture that could only have been crafted through some sort of psychic probing to find the elements around which it should be crafted to be most appealing to me.  Specifically:

1) Weird Photoshop effects.  Yes, I have a fetish for women with blue skin.  Apparently, in a past life I lived on a planet with a cuprous oxide atmospheric haze cirling a white dwarf.

2) Stomach.  This is the sexiest part of a sexy woman.  Up until now (with the exception of the ever-so-slightly protruding nipple picture), I have only been attracted to you for your mind while being held at keyboard's length by the emotional baggage you gradually unpack and fold so neatly into your blogs.  Now, however, I see a sexy stomach, so the necessary and sufficient prerequisite to be awarded the dubiously honorable "sexy woman" label has been met.  Congrats/condolences.

3) Jeans.  I don't know why, but I've always had this thing for jeans.  I think they're the sexiest thing a woman can wear.  Especially if that's all she's wearing.  And in my reading of what we've already established is clearly a secret message meant to seduce me and only me (Ignore those other people who posted comments; they're obviously deluded), you aren't wearing anything else.  Well, except for a pony tail because this is my fantasy and you're going to do it my way, dammit.

Again, thanks for the shout out to me.  And remember, if you ever need to reach me, you can always contact me via the transmitter the KGB embedded in my teeth.

-Alex.


Copyright 2006 Ale[x]trovert.
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