Dear debt collectors

For several months Dani had been receiving letters from a debt collection agency for an unpaid bill on an telephone number in Houston.  They obviously had the wrong Dani, but they never figured this out.  Eventually they starting calling us.  We had to explain three times to them that the Danielle they were looking for had a different social security number, address, phone number, etc.  However, the letters continued.

I wrote them and explained all the facts and told them to contact me when they had resolved the matter.  Somehow they interpreted this as a request for more information about someone else's debt.  In effect, I identified myself as a third party unrelated to the debt, and they proceeded to release information about someone's debt to me.  This is ILLEGAL.

Below is a copy of my second letter.

To Whom It May Concern,

I have spoken on the phone to your representatives, I have written to you before, and yet somehow it simply isn't registering.  Now I'm taking this out of your hands.

In every communication I have engaged in with your company, I have attempted to get it through the thick skulls to the tiny brains within the simple fact that the Danielle [last name withheld] you are trying to contact is not the Danielle you keep contacting.  The Danielle at this address never lived at the address in Houston that ran up the phone bill you keep trying to collect.  The Danielle you keep writing and calling never had that phone number.  The Danielle you keep writing and calling never lived in Houston at all.  The Danielle you keep writing and calling has a different Social Security Number than the Danielle you should be looking for.  The Danielle you keep writing doesn't even live in an apartment, though you persist in addressing your mail as such.

In spite of the fact that these points have been repeatedly brought to your attention on the phone and in writing, you have refused to buy a clue that would cost less than all the postage you have wasted thus far trying to get blood from a turnip... and the wrong one at that.

My previous written communication (copy enclosed) politely requested that your company collectively get your heads out of your asses and find the Danielle you are actually looking for.  Since you instead have continued to disclose private financial information to a third party (which this Danielle has repeatedly identified herself as), you have accumulated multiple violations of which the Federal Trade Commission has now been made aware.


The Danielle you really shouldn't have continued to harass.

p.s. Before I mailed this, I received one of your offers to "settle up" this debt.  Thank you so much for the tangible souvenir I now have to pass around to my friends and share a laugh over at your continuing stupidity.  I mean, really.  The idea that I would pay off SOMEONE ELSE'S DEBT simply because of your persistence to pin this on me.  Sorry, but all you're getting is the cost of a stamp for me to once again stick this point home to you.

(Attached is the previous letter sent to you 12/8/06.  Somehow someone somewhere in your junk mail factory interpreted this as a request for you to send me more documentation for a complaint to the FTC.  Or maybe you thought I was out of toilet paper since I couldn't afford to pay off SOMEONE ELSE'S DEBT?  Either way, thanks.)

Immediately after I mailed this off, I filed the aforementioned complaint with the FTC.  I don't know if that helped or not, but since then I haven't heard from the bill collectors.  This is unfortunate because my next plan was to bill them for my time.  Given that they undoubtedly would refuse to pay, I was going to pose as a bill collector and begin harassing them.  After all, isn't America the land of opportunity?

Copyright 2007 Ale[x]tortionist.
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