For sale: 13 slightly eaten kittens. Descriptions below:
1. They're very cute. And by cute I mean they're fucking rainbows and Unicorns girlieshit cute.
2. I've only taken a few bites of them, most of their limbs and bodys remain. Like at a buffet, I tried a little of everything.
3. I'm selling them because some fucking moron will get in touch with me wanting to buy "13 slightly eaten kittens" and I'll charge him/her $13,000 a piece because they have been signed by Charlie Sheen. Because everyone wants his autograph. And everyone wants slightly eaten kittens.
4. I haven't decided on a name for any of them, so you won't be tainting their poor souls by renaming them. In fact, for an extra $10 I'll throw in a piece of paper with some other cat's names* on it so you wont have to actually think about a cutsie nickname before you can enjoy the wonders of owning and keeping something that will love you forever and ever no matter how fat and weak you become. Trust me, it's going to happen.
5. Finally, I am selling these partially eaten kittens because I didn't really enjoy them as much as I thought I would. Digesting hair and raw meat coupled with fleas and caked-on cat shit, plus dirt, just didn't go over too well with my stomach. So they've got to go, go, go.
!!!!!! Buy now. Low introductory price! Offer not valid in Ohio, Oregon, The Middle East, The West Indies, and Atlantis. Please present manufactures coupon to receive discount on product. Limit one per customer per kitten per lawsuit. I hold a "No Bullshit" clause which entitles me to 'off' you in the event that you file any legal action against me regarding the sale, intent, or possession of partially eaten kittens. By reading this you have agreed to it, and you are now fucked. !!!!!!!
*The word idiot will be written 37, 231 times on this piece of paper.
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