Home work assignments

Something I posted as a bulletin on MySpace.

By opening this bulletin, you have accepted the following assignments.  Come on, you have nothing better to do this summer.
1. Go to an Asian grocery store.  Buy ten (or more) items you've never tried.  Bonus points if you don't even recognize the ingredients.

2. Give up fries.  Forever.  No, you can't have onion rings either.  Trans fats are evil.

3. Change your name.  Yours never really suited you.  It isn't what you would have picked, is it?  Then it's time to do something about it.

4. Explore a drainage tunnel under downtown Dallas.  Bring boots, a flashlight, a camera, and a pair of balls.  Ladies, you can bring me if you need a pair.

5. Stop buying groceries until you've eaten everything in your house.  You're never going to get around to most of it until then, so get started.  It's time to cash in the frozen assets in the back of your freezer (like those scallops you bought a couple years ago and have no idea how to cook.  Look up a recipe already).

6. Get an Alphasmart.  You like to write, right?  Well, you're never going to get that novel started chained to your desk staring at your monitor like you're doing right now.

7. Find a humane society or rescue organization.  Start fostering dogs.

8. Get rid of your cat.  (S)He hates you.  You've always known this, so this shouldn't come as a surprise.

9. Stop collecting things.  You only need one.  I don't care what it is, you only need one.  No, wait.  You don't need any.  Put it in the garage sale.

10. Have a garage sale.  See above.

11. Read "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell.  It's good and it will change the way you think about the way you think.

12. Get rid of your cds.  If you haven't listened to any in a year, what are the odds you're ever going to listen to them again?  No, you're wrong.  That's delusional thinking.  I'm not even going to try and reason with you.  Just do it.

13. Sign up on the DMA's list to stop your junk mail.  Sign up on donotcall.gov to stop telemarketers.

14. Do your dishes.  Quit putting it off.  There's too much else on this list you still need to get to.

15. Learn a musical instrument.  Aren't you tired of just being a spectator to your stereo?

16. Clean out your car.  It's summer; you don't need two jackets and a sweatshirt in the back seat.  You're just spending more on gas to drive that shit around.  Arabs need more oil money like they need sweaters in the summer.  Put them in a closet.

17. Decide what you're going to do for Halloween.  Email me about it.  I'm still looking for ideas.

18. Don't watch reruns.  Don't watch movies a second time without my approval.  Of course, this means you aren't allowed to buy any movies either unless it's to loan them out to your friends.

19. Visit a swingers club.  (Be sure to dress up though or you won't be able to get in.  Dani and I found this out the hard way and still haven't completed this assignment.)

20. Take a hang gliding lesson.  Get obsessed with hang gliders.  Come fly with me.  Let's fly away.

Copyright 2006 Ale[x]plorer.
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