Yet Another Ten Grammar Annoyances


Which is which and who is whom?  Whom the fuck invented this word when who seems to work everywhere?  It's like the English language version of Beta sticking around long after VHS dominated, but a handful of snobs are still renting Whom Framed Roger Rabbit? or Tommy by The Whom.

Who says what?  And why is it the word Who sounds like it starts with an H like How and Why and What get to start with a W?

Still haven't figured out redundancies yet.  Idiots like to bookend conditions like this.  They still haven't figured out that you don't need to end a sentence containing a still with a yet.  Unless it happens to be this one.  Pretty much all the rest of them can convey the exact same meaning with only one word or the other.  But they haven't figured that out yet.

There is no x in escape.  That sound should not excape your fucking mouth when you say it.  End of story.

Commas before but.  It's a conjunction just like and, but somehow but always gets a comma and and only rarely does.  Did I just break the rule(s) in the previous sentence?  No.  The distinction is whether or not conjunctions group some direct objects or whether they bridge separate clauses.  In the latter case, the comma is warranted.  Moral: Don't be a but head

Farther vs. further.  Since no one seems to distinguish between metaphorical space and physical distance, why bother maintaining a lexicon with two barely distinguishable words to describe a subtle difference between two barely distinguishable situations?  The extra entry in the dictionary is responsible for furthering deforestation.  Or farthering?

No. numbers.  There's no o in the word number, so why is the abbreviation No.?  And why would you bother with an abbreviation when we already have the pound sign?  Except on MySpace.

In a snoot.  When describing someone who is a snobbish, most people say they're snooty.  The connotation is apparently that they stick their nose (or snoot?) in the air.  I say they're snotty.  In other words, they're disgusting globs of mucus who constrict my breathing.

Quotation marks for emphasis.  Somehow, somewhere, some stupid fuck started the trend of putting quotes around words (s)he though should be in bold or italics or underlined.  You know what it looks like when you say "Don't" do that?  It looks like a sarcastic way of saying, Go ahead and do it because I'm just giving lip service to the boss' wishes.

Me too.  The fact that the subject/verb agreement is off here is obvious the second you learn any other language (e.g., Ich auch, Yo tambien, etc.).  Wedge the understood verb into it, and you end up with a Star Wars character: Me do too.  But when was the last time you heard anyone say I also?  Me neither.  (<---Stay tuned for the sequel... Subject/Verb Wars: Episode Too.)


Copyright 2008 Alexplorer.
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