Another Ten Grammar Annoyances


Starting sentences with "I think."  Okay, we get it already, Decartes.  But unless you're offering an opinion formed of pure speculation, don't begin EVERY FUCKING SENTENCE with "I think" because you probably don't very often or at least very fast.  I think you're just buying time until you can.  But that's just my opinion.

Who vs. that.  Whenever anyone uses "that" in reference to a person, I'm always unsure if they're dealing with a non-living entity, like maybe I didn't get the newsletter about that individual having an operation to turn into a vampire or a robot of whatever's the rage these days.  "That" should apply only to objects or people who use "that" instead of "who" and therefore have the IQ of an inanimate object.

Then vs. than.  Why is this so hard to puzzle out?

Prepositions used in conjunction with abstractions.  This doesn't bother me so much with English, but once you try to translate anything either to or from (<-- those are prepositions, btw), the choice for which preposition is no longer obvious.  Why is it (in English anyway) you're "at" the store but "in" your house?  We say we're "from" the United States but "of" [insert ethnicity] decent.  When you try to figure this shit out, you're fucked in/up the ass.

Grooving with "picts."  I abbreviate "picture" all the time as "pic," but who are these numbskulls who go around talking about commenting on their "picts"?  Apparently they're ancient Scottish.  I'd like to shoot them with something other than a camera.

Thought through though.  When morons type one, a different one always comes out as through they had though something completely different.

"Which" is "that"?  Conversely, while I have a solid understanding of the difference between "who" vs. "that," I don't have a clue what the difference is between "which" and "that."

Random capitalizers.  Worse even than those who adopt the "no-Shift key" policy are those who randomly capitalize Words.  I spend all my time trying to puzzle out the secret message that these letters deliver in anagram form, but I don't have a clue.  Or maybe I'm not the one lacking the clue; it's the authors of these cut-and-paste ransom notes.

Ditzy blondes.  Another one I don't get is the use of the word "dizzy."  If you're dizzy, you may be disoriented to the point you're going to puke.  That makes sense, but that isn't what you mean.  You mean "ditzy" as in completely stupid or the type of person who would describe someone as a "dizzy blond."  You make me want to puke.

When worse comes to worst.  Look, if you haven't grasped them yet, I don't know how to explain superlatives to you at this point.  If it was "worse comes to worse," it wouldn't be any worse than it was before, so there's nothing to comment on.  And if you're writing/saying shit like that, then it's too late.  The worst has fucking arrived.


Copyright 2008 Alexplorer.
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