Fun Facts from the Future
As some of you
know, I'm from the future. People are always coming up to me (or
will come up to me; remember I've been there already) and ask, "Alex, what's
it going to be like in the future?" Well, here are a few things you
can look forward to...
Things will levitate. As a result, hardwood
floors will have fewer scuff marks and you will never again get a shopping
cart with the wobble wheel, the latter consequence ending the careers of
many stand-up comics who never updated their material.
People will only listen to only electronic
music. It will be considered taboo to make air vibrate if it doesn't
originate from something that tickles electrons.
There will no longer be any such thing as
a laptop, PDA, iPod, cell phone, or digital camera. All these things
will be contained in a cranial implant at the base of your skull where
your primitive visual cortex used to be (which has been upgraded as well,
Furniture won't have drawers. We no
longer have need of things that must be stored since all books and music
and movies and photo albums are digital and are stored in the form of light
that bounces around invisibly in an alternate dimension. Most other
physical posessions will follow suit as they can be created by replicators
that have libraries of millions of objects and substances. Clothing
itself is created each morning and disintegrated each night to save water
otherwise wasted on laundry that is better used in powering spacetime travel
(Don't ask; you're not ready for this information yet).
Speaking of which, no clothing will feature
stripes. Pockets will be elimated as well.
By the way, all furniture will be made of
glass and steel. We need our trees to scrub your residual CO2 from
the atmosphere, not to decorate our homes.
Guys will cut off all their hair except for
a goatee. Ladies will not have curls. They aren't very aerodynamic
and they scramble the signal in the transporters. Aerodynamics may
not mean much to you at the moment because you drive around in clunky fossil
fuel-buring hollow blocks of metal, but our flying glass rods are the most
respectable mode of transportation for getting around town, especially
to the skysaucer clubs.
Everything in your house will be operated
by remote control including the wall colors and the amount of light allowed
in by the ceilings as well as what they project. The height, temperature,
and texture of the shag carpeting can be adjusted as well.
You won't have a garbage can because you recycle
everything. If it's organic, then it's fertilizer for your commune's
lawn. Everything else goes back into the replicator for raw nuclei.
Since humans will be practically immortal,
it will now be feasable to have pen pals among the Gamma and Delta Vegans.
Even though the round-trip duration for a conventional EM communication
is a little over fifty years, it will take about that long for anything
interesting to happen between them and the Betas anyway.
No one will have any use for umbrellas anymore
since rain will scheduled for early hours in the morning when only the
robots wil be out doing their jobs. Old umbrellas will be recycled
into robots, of course.
Rich people will vacation on Venus during
the winter since it will be only slightly warmer than Earth thanks to all
the greenhouse effects making Earth toasty by 21st century standards and
orbital repositioning and revolution enhancements making Venus cool by
Mercurian colonial standards. The poor will still be drawn more to
Luna, however, since it's a cheaper flight and there's all the low-brow,
low-grav rides and such. Dumbasses.