eBay: Land of the Lost
Selling your junk on eBay is usually financially rewarding, but it is sometimes a great way to meet people who you wish you hadn't.

The vast majority of people online have their act together, but the least desirable eBayers fall into two categories: The weird and the stupid.  Sometimes the line between these gets a bit blurry.  Good luck applying this taxonomy to the characters in the following tales.

Getting the CD for his OCD
A while back I unloaded my CD collection on eBay.  I put up a CD of Lionel Richie's Greatest Hits for auction.  It didn't sell, but I got a really weird email inquiry about it.  It was so weird and so involved, that I honestly didn't even reply.  I mean, honestly, the starting bid was $2.  It just wasn't worth my time.

Since particular CD didn't sell the first time around, I put it for auction again later on with still other items.  Once again I get the same message from the same guy.  Tell me if this is not insane?

What is the CD code no. and engraved letter in the inner circle of the CD ?  Which is the CD manufacturer ?(To be printed in the inner circle of the CD by laser.)  Is the inner circle transparant or complete plating extended to the centre hole ?  Where is the CD printed and made ?

Thankfully, I did sell it this time around.  And, no, not to this guy.

At the end of auctions, I always send out an email explaining how to send payment, etc.  I request that recipients reply immediately to this message by sending me their mailing address so I can get the package ready (a reply from them also lets me know that they actually received the mail I sent and that this isn't a bogus bidder).

After three days and two messages to get a response from this one lady, I finally get a reply today, but she does not send me her physical mailing address, just "I will be sending out a check in the morning."  I write back and ask her for her mailing address.  She replies "My email address is XXXXXXXXX@sbcglobal.net," sent from that same email address!

I respond, "Yes, I know.  That's how I was able to send this message to you."

More stupid questions
I collect and then, from time to time, sell guitars on eBay as well.  The other day I had up for auction a cheap Telecaster.  It was essentially brand new, so I listed all the essential information (e.g., make and model, hardware and features, etc.), basically everything you would need to research this instrument.  I started the bidding at pretty much a rock bottom price and it basically stayed there throughout the course of the auction.

About a day before the listing was about to end, I get this email from a user:

I've tried to look up information on this guitar, but I don't know anything about it, so I don't know how much to bid on it.

I guess I should have told the guy it was worth a little over $2,000, but I didn't bother replying.  If he's stupid enough to ask the seller a question like this, what are the odds he can correctly address an envelope containing payment for the guitar?

One and one and one is your IQ
When I first started out, I used to send a brief message at the end of an auction that said where to send the money.  Of course, I would get asked the same stupid questions over and over that said message is now over two single-spaced pages in length and answers any and all possible questions in clear and concise terms.  Doesn't matter.  They still ask them.

Note that one of the things I say in this message is "PLEASE don't ask me for a total.  Just look at the auction listing."  Doesn't matter.  They write and ask me how much I owe them.  Sometimes I add on a couple dollars to the figure.  To date, no one has questioned it.  After all, they can't read, why should I expect them to be able to do math?  I don't know how the fuck they manage to get payment to me most of the time.  Most of them don't seem like they know which side of a stamp to lick.

Slow Processor
Last week I had an old guitar effects processor up for auction.  There was a picture of it with its power supply underneath the description.  Three of the four people who wrote me about this auction asked if the power supply was included.  We can maybe forgive the first moron for overlooking it, but eBay has a function where you can post your responses to questions (no matter how stupid) from potential buyers at the bottom of your listing.  Here's how mine read:
Q: hi, what is shipping to zip 90275, and does it come with a manual and power supply? thanks
A: Shipping cost for this and all my auctions are stated in the item description. The power supply and manual are included (I forgot to include the manual in the picture; the power supply is pictured, however).

Q: CAn you ship USPS,Paypal ok and does it have a power cord?
A: >CAn you ship USPS Yes, that's the method the quote in the item description is for. >Paypal ok Yes, like I say in the item description. >and does it have a power cord? Yes, it's in the picture.

Q: Do you have the power adapter? If so what is the model number? Thanks
A: Yes, the power supply is included. You can see it in the second picture. It is Model Number PS0940-120

Note that each of these morons can read the previous questions before writing.  They write me anyway.

After the third idiot, I added the following information to the listing:


Not that it will do any good.  Idiots.

PayPal Idiots
Then I get people who cannot figure out how to use PayPal.  I used to say, use PayPal and leave it at that, but apparently a site designed for idiots cannot overcome the stupidity of many of them.  Now I explain:  "Just log into your PayPal.com account, hit the 'Send Money' tab at the top of the page, then enter the amount and my email address as the recipient."

I sent that message to a guy yesterday (we've been going back and forth for five days now), and he responds today with:  "I just mailed out a money order.  I apologize that I couldn't manage to pay you with a quicker method.  I could not find the 'send money' option in Paypal."

I wrote him the following:

For future reference, please consult this figure:

Got eBay stories to share?  I love hearing them.  Email me.  Want more to read, see the People I Hate page.

Copyright Ale[x]asperated.
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