Books for Dummies
While the "...for Dummies" series offers some
useful books, there are a lot of titles that make you scratch your head.
I have no idea how many of these there are all total, but a search of Amazon.com
turned up in excess of three thousand hits for publications with "for dummies"
in the title.
All of the following are
real publications, unbelievable as some may sound. Here are some
of the more questionable offerings from this line...
Adoption for Dummies - Great,
so now they can cheat through the screening process. That's all we
Alzheimer's for Dummies - Now
that's just plain wrong.
AOL for Dummies - The missing
Arthritis for Dummies - Adding
insult to injury.
Astrology for Dummies - The latter
half the title is redundant.
Beauty Secrets for Dummies -
'Cause you're a blonde, yeah, yeah.
Beer For Dummies - In Georgia,
they're replacing the biology textbooks with this.
Bioinformatics for Dummies -
Here's an example of wishful thinking.
Birds for Dummies - Also published
under the title "Birds for Birdbrains."
Breastfeeding for Dummies - Silly
me, I always thought this was sort of self-explanatory.
Cats for Dummies - Since they're
so difficult to take care of. Just ask the old lady down the block
with the 12 of them.
Changing Careers for Dummies -
How to leave the factory job and find success as a rodeo clown.
Choosing a Dog for Dummies -
Disney just bought the film rights to this.
Christian Prayer for Dummies -
Increase your turn-around time on wish fulfillment from God.
College Planning for Dummies -
This is called counting your chickens before... well, before you have any
Congress for Dummies - No comment
required for this one.
Cool Careers for Dummies - Chapter
one: An introduction to the food service industry.
Creating Family Web Sites For Dummies -
As if we need any more we sites like this.
101 Crossword Puzzles for Dummies, Volume
1 - #1 Across: "You wear it around your neck." Three letters.
Divorce For Dummies - This is
undoubtedly a popular anniversary present.
eBay Timesaving Techniques for Dummies
- Not mentioned in this text: Cutting up your credit cards.
Entertaining for Dummies - Tips
for putting shiny objects to use.
Fertility for Dummies - Whatever
happened to old-fashioned eugenics?
Florida for Dummies - Contains
a special appendix on butterfly ballots.
Football for Dummies - Helmets
are optional if you actually bought this one.
Forensics For Dummies - You just
never know when you will be required to bungle an investigation.
Gambling for Dummies - Lessons
on what to do with all the money you won in the lottery.
GarageBand for Dummies - As opposed
to "Chamber Music for Prodigies."
The GED For Dummies - The first
step in getting your Ph.D.
Google for Dummies - This has
to be the thinnest book in print.
Haircutting for Dummies - Three
styles to choose from: Moe, Larry, and Curly!
Household Hints for Dummies -
Highlights include "Do not insert keys into wall sockets" and "Use hair
dryer after you shower."
Islam for Dummies - Contains
instructions on how to accessorize with explosives.
Kittens for Dummies - Recipes
Landing a Job for Canadians for Dummies
- How narrow is this demographic?
Law School for Dummies - Like
we don't have enough brainless lawyers already.
Lawn Care for Dummies - Don't
laugh. Everyone needs a career.
Leadership for Dummies - Giving
life to the concept of the blind leading the blind.
Living Longer for Dummies - How
to win a Darwin Award this year.
Marathon Training for Dummies -
"Run, Forrest! Run!"
The Middle East for Dummies -
Somehow this book explains what the brightest minds on the planet can't
Migraines for Dummies - Explains
in concise terms that it feels good when you stop hitting your head
against the wall.
Mormonism For Dummies - Advice
on not answering your door in response to offers of "free literature."
Motivating Employees for Dummies -
You always knew your boss was a complete dolt, right?
NASCAR for Dummies - The definitive
text on the subject.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Dummies
The Origins of Tolkien's Middle-earth for
Dummies - What are the odds anyone with this book has actually
read the series in the first place?
Parenting for Dummies - A fine
mess you've gotten yourself into.
Personal Bankruptcy for Dummies -
Sequel to the above.
Potty Training For Dummies -
If you're old enough to read this, hopefully you've figured out what to
do here by now.
Pregnancy for Dummies - Sadly,
Amazon.com says, "we were unable to find any additional results for: Birth
Control for Dummies"
Public Relations Kit for Dummies -
Because Dummies don't always make the best impressions.
Rabbits for Dummies - The inscription
inside reads, "For Lenny. Love, George."
Raising Smart Kids for Dummies -
This sounds a lot like alchemy.
Religion for Dummies - After
all, who needs it the most?
Retired Racing Greyhounds for Dummies -
The research department swears this is an actual niche market.
Robot Building for Dummies -
This is what triggered Judgment Day in those "Terminator" movies.
Scotland for Dummies - Not endorsed
by Scotland or the EU as a whole.
Screenwriting for Dummies - I
think we have enough Dummies writing screenplays, thank you.
Sex for Dummies - For those who
think they invented it.
Singing for Dummies - The book
responsible for launching Jessica Simpson's career.
Success for Dummies - Step one:
Be the son of a former president.
Tarot for Dummies - For those
who don't have time to learn from a genuine gypsy fortune teller.
TI-83 Plus Graphing Calculator for Dummies
- Apparently the manual that came with the calculator just wasn't
U.S. Presidents for Dummies -
Better than "Dummies for U.S. President," I suppose.
US Citizenship for Dummies -
Just something to piss off Bill O'Reilly.
Weather For Dummies - Because
the local news is just too highbrow for some people.
Workouts for Dummies - Exercise
#1: Count to four. Next, do it backwards. Now rest.
Are there any titles I missed?
intellectuAle[x]... except the titles for dummies, of course.