I still have a huge cock
I have a Huge Cock Parts II and III or "This one's longer."

The size of my cock is a frequent source of debate among the straight girls and a frequent source of disgust among lesbians who envy its powers.  Yes, for those who have not experienced it intimately, it's hard to tell where the myth ends and the man(hood) begins.


Here are some more facts about having a huge cock that those not in the know might be interested in knowing.

I will never complain about a girl not being tight enough.  I don't want virgins.  In fact, it's just plain uncomfortable to be with me for the first time for pretty much any woman who hasn't had an episiotomy.

Multiple orgasms.  No batteries required.

I spend my days typing "You're welcome" to all the morning-after texts.  Actually, it's usually around lunchtime these start showing up for some reason.  I suppose the multiple orgasms result in a more restful sleep.

Girls fall in love with me.  You'd think all my other traits would be enough, but once they've had the cock in them, well, that seals the deal if there was any doubt before.  Whether I like it or not, unfortunately.

Condoms hurt me.  It's like rolling a rubber band down a California redwood.  I finally upgraded to Magnums so sex didn't always have an unintentional S&M component.

I can be an asshole to women if I want.  Not that I am (well, usually; some girls deserve it).  I generally like the company of women even aside from those occasions when I happen to be filling them to capacity with cock.  Still, I get to be a big dick because I know that they know that I have a big dick, and that means I don't need to be polite.

I always giggle whenever anyone says "tripod."  It's like someone knows my secret nickname and doesn't know they're saying it, like when you hear a child innocently say "beaver."

I like older women and taller women.  Guys generally have inferiority complexes.  Maybe it stems from other deficits besides having a small dick.  Whatever the case, I absolutely dig women with quantitatively greater life experiences than I've had yet.  And tall women?  I like the extra headroom in there.

My brain is always oxygenated.  The extra blood supply required to erect my above-average member means that I operate under the intellectual equivalent of why endurance atheletes employ blood doping.

I'm a romantic.  If you have a little dick, you're going to have to put up quite the macho front to obfuscate that fact.  Not me.  I cried at the end of the BBC version of "The Office."  Have the best engagement story ever.  Was groomzilla (designed the ring, the dress, the invitations, cakes, centerpieces, and choreographed the ceremony and music).  Never forgot a birthday or anniversary.  You think it's because I have a memory like an elephant?  No.  Try another part of his anatomy.

I call myself a mom.  Other stay-at-home dads would find it emasculating to be called a "mom."  Not me.  You can't emasculate someone with off-the-chart masculinity in the Where-It-Counts department.

I hate sports.  My best guess is that other guys need sports to make them feel like men.  If I'm ever in doubt, I can just look to my own goalpost.  Score!

I wanted a daughter.  Yeah, Stan's going to have a complex because I don't make a secret of this fact at all.  Why do guys want a son?  Because a baby boy is like a dick extension, and that's the last thing I need.  I can hit your cervix without involving your uterus.

I don't own a gun.  You can go ahead and do the "I'm just happy to see you" joke anyway.  But, really, this is self-explanitory.

I get double-takes from one-night stands.  If you're one of my friends, you've probably already read Part I of "I Have a Huge Cock" or maybe Dani has told you about it.  One-night stands don't get any such warning.  So I'll be undressing while she and I are talking and/or kissing.  She'll sneak a quick, discrete look "down there."  And then there's another quick look because, "Holy Shit!  I had no idea!"

There's no such thing as a girl "out of my league."  Honestly, it doesn't matter what you look like.  You think you can do better, you can't.  If you pass on this opportunity, it's your loss.

Vaginal orgasms.  During sex (lazy doggy style) with one girl, I reached down and asked if she wanted me to play with her clit.  She told me no.  I asked why.  It was a novel experience for her to have full vaginal orgasms with just a cock.  She didn't need anything extra because that was more than enough to do the job.  I'm usually the first (and I hope not the last) guy to give girls vaginal orgasms.

I won't ask you for anal.  If you're really into it, I'll ask if you have a preferred proctologist, because he's going to be the next one in the area.

Sex with me is always S&M.  Actual quote from a partner: "You're going to break me in half."  Seriously.  And I was going as gently as I could.

Why are you so afraid of black guys?  Racists are just jealous.  They think black guys are going to get their girl and give her a taste of what a real cock is.  No worries here.  I'm no gansta, but I'm packing.

I don't have any tattoos.  I don't even wear shirts with anything on them.  All solid colors, and they're actually spring colors (or gray; I have a lot of gray for some reason).  Nothing too loud.  You know why?  Having a huge cock means I don't have to go around with plummage.  When you're not so well-endowed, you resort to dressing yourself up like a douchebag-shaped billboard.  If you were a un-funny comedian, you'd be screaming your jokes.  See Sam Kinison.

I'm not on Facebook.  Admit it.  Most of what you post and what your friends (both actual and nominal-only) post shit to make themselves look more appealing.  My cock trumps that.  You think Ron Jeremy got by on his good looks?  Hardly, and I mean that in both senses.


Copyright 2012 Alexplorer.
Back to the index