I have a huge cock

Since Tracy* outs me to even almost complete strangers, I'm just going to preemptively out myself to everyone else.

Hi, everyone.  I'm Alex, and I have a huge cock.

I guess most guys and even some girls wish they had a huge cock as well, at least on special occasions.  Well, speaking from experience, having a huge cock isn't a completely great thing, but I'm not going to complain about it (and neither has anyone else, if you catch my meaning).  Specifically, some consequences of having a huge cock include:
 

I am awesome in bed without actually trying.  Really, I can just phone it in.  In fact, I could practically be flaccid and you would still be satisfied.  Repeatedly.

I am always right.  Most guys with an average-to-small penis are too distracted by being short-changed (so to speak) to really devote time to fact-checking or actually knowing everything.  It is apparently an incredibly time-consuming thing to worry about ways to compensate for having a small penis, but that's the one thing I wouldn't know about.

I don't care that I drive a '92 Civic.  Guys who drive a Hummer want a hummer of a different kind.  The dubious rationale here is that their excessive car will project onto any female's perception of what's between their legs.  My little car is offset by the fact my reputation is almost as big as my cock.  (Update: I bought a Prius.)  And speaking of hummers...

I am not fixated on blow jobs.  Most guys like blow jobs for two reasons: 1) They certainly can't please you with their cock, so why bother? and 2) It can't help but look bigger if it's right in your face.  Neither is really an issue for me, and I don't want to give you TMJ trying give me a BJ.

I'm a lover not a boxer.  Me wearing boxers instead of briefs is impractical for all the reasons why Dolly Parton would never wear a t-shirt instead of a bra.  It isn't an advanced engineering problem for you to figure out that I stick with briefs because I only know how to walk on two legs.

I don't wear shorts.  Have you wondered why you've never seen me in shorts?  The elastic in briefs isn't foolproof, and that's doubly true if it's brought to bear against a much heavier load than designers ever considered.  In fact, if it wasn't for shrinkage, even my bathing suit wouldn't be safe from wardrobe malfunctions.

Porn is funny to me.  You know how girls typically find porn more funny than erotic?  I have the same reaction, though likely for very different reasons entirely.

I am always happy.  This is a corollary of the above, but not because I watch porn when I need a laugh.  I'm always happy because if all else fails, I know they could use me in the movies now that Ron Jeremy has retired to reality tv.

I am immortalized in artwork.  Granted, much of this is by amateurs with Sharpies in public toilets, but such is my legend that it inspires tributes of all kinds from people I've never even met.

I am very humble.  I suppose if you didn't know about the size of my cock, you might think I was a bit self-centered.  The earth does not revolve around my cock (in spite of its great mass), but you probably should in one way or another.  After all, relativity being what it is, my ego is nothing compared to my cock.


*Disclaimer: Tracy has never seen my cock and will be the first to tell you she doesn't want to.  I think it's because I'm way too old for her (read: cougar).  The rest of you, get in line.


Copyright 2008 Alexplorer.
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